


Don't Stray

by thegreennoodle



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Blowjobs, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, Love Triangle, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Mentions of terminal illness, Possessive Behavior, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Unrequited Love, au where gay is okay, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-02-19 11:31:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2386754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreennoodle/pseuds/thegreennoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers was set to marry his friend Bucky in a  few months time. And that was great, except for the fact that he wasn't sure he loved the poor guy. Things become more difficult for him when he meets the lovely Peggy Carter and can't help getting a crush. Between his complicated love life and his mother's failing health, Steve has to make hard choices and avoid hurting everyone involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Why am I starting a new story I already have so much to do.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for checking this out. This plot bunny has been bugging me for awhile. This is set in late 1930's-early 1940's, but I changed it so homosexuality is more accepted (of course, there are still homophobes). Also, if I need to add to the tags, let me know. I'm busy with school, but I'll update when I can.

It had been a hot summer, the hottest that Steve could remember for a while. That would have been nice, usually. Anything beat the damned cold that never failed to give his susceptible body some illness. Except this summer his mother was sick. Sarah Roger's health had been slowly declining for the past few years but it had recently spiked. She had been feverish and weak the entire month of June, and the intense heat was definitely not helping.

Steve had been idly sketching on the couch when he heard her coughing. He quickly jumped up and ran to her room.

“Ma, you alright?” he asked after going to her bedside.

His poor Ma looked terrible. She appeared years older than she actually was. The lines around her eyes seemed more prominent and her hair was graying rapidly. Her already thin frame was always shrinking, it seemed.

She gave him a weak smile. “I'm fine, Stevie,” she told him.

“But, Ma-” he started. He knew when someone was pretending they were fine. He did it all the time.

“Could you help me to the kitchen?” she asked. “I'd like some water.”

“I could just bring you some. You should stay in bed,” Steve insisted.

“I'll be fine, dear. Besides, I want to get out of this room for a bit,” she told him.

“Alright, come here.” Steve gently wrapped an arm around her waist after she climbed out of her creaky bed and led her to their small kitchen. He made sure she was safe in a chair before getting her a glass of water.

“Ma, I was thinking you should go see a doctor,” he said as he sat across from her. “You haven't been getting any better.”

“Oh, I've got a few more years in me,” she said with a smile. “This sickness will pass. You don't think I'd go before seeing your wedding, do you?”

Steve blushed. His...his upcoming wedding was always a sensitive subject for him. “But-”

He was interrupted by a knock on the front door. 

“I wonder who that could be!” Ma teased.

Steve shot her a look before going to answer it. He wasn't surprised to see Bucky Barnes on the other side of the door. Bucky looked as handsome as ever with his dark hair slicked back and sharp gray suit. He smiled happily when he laid his bright blue eyes on Steve.

“Hey, Buck, what are you doing here?” he greeted. He stepped back to allow his fri- fiancé into their small apartment. 

Bucky wasted no time in pulling Steve into a tight hug. “I came to see what my best guy wanted to do for his birthday tomorrow,” he answered. “It's not everyday you turn twenty-one.”

Steve pulled away from the hug as soon as it seemed appropriate. Bucky kept his hands on his shoulders. “I don't know, Bucky. Ma's not been feeling to good. I was thinking that I should just stay in, y' know?”

“Nonsense!” came Sarah's voice from nearby. “Steve, you shouldn't be hanging around here just for me. You should be out having fun with Bucky.”

“Ma, you should really be resting!” Steve cried. His heart beat had increased from the shock. He hadn't even heard her come in.

Bucky gave her a bright smile. “Hi there, Sarah! Great to see you.”

Sarah walked over and gave him a hug. They kissed each other's cheeks. “It's always nice to see my future son-in-law,” she claimed. “It seems like you come around every day.”

“What can I say? I just can't stay away from him,” Bucky said as he pulled Steve closer.

“Guys!” Steve groaned, causing them to laugh. 

But his Ma's laughter soon turned into coughing. She placed one hand on Bucky's shoulder for support and coughed into the other.

“Ma, please, you need to get back to bed,” Steve pleaded. He couldn't stand seeing his mother like this. Apart from Bucky, she was all he had.

“Hey, hey, come on,” Bucky soothed as he scooped her up. “I'll take you back to bed.” 

Steve couldn't help but feel envious when he saw how easily he carried her. Why couldn't he have that kind of strength? He followed them back to Ma's room and helped tuck her into bed. “It's still early. Try and get some more sleep,” he insisted.

She smiled and patted his cheek. “Alright, dear. But don't you go and fret about me all day, you hear? You have happier things to focus on.”

“Yeah, Ma, I will,” he promised. He hoped his voice sounded convincing.

He let Bucky guide him out of the room. Steve quietly shut the door behind them.

They settled on Steve's worn old couch. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve's smaller frame and placed a kiss on his head. “Hey, she'll be alright,” he said. 

Steve only sighed and rested his head on Bucky's shoulder. The light from the window caught on the gold ring on his left hand. It was probably the most valuable thing Steve owned. Thank goodness he talked Bucky out of getting him a rock.

“Yeah, I'm sure.”

X

If it was one thing Steve Rogers never thought he'd do, it'd be marrying his best friend, Bucky.

He and Buck had been friends for as long as he could remember. He never knew what the guy saw in him, really. Bucky was popular and athletic and wealthy and handsome. And Steve was...Steve. Always small and scrawny. Always picking fights with jerks and bullies when he wasn't too sick to move.

But Bucky was always there from him. Bucky finished the fights he picked and sat by his bed when he was sick and invited him over to his large house on a regular basis. Steve always felt lucky that Bucky would want him around. He couldn't imagine having a better friend.

Steve had had no idea Bucky might have feelings for him until a spring day five years ago. Steve had been sixteen and Bucky was seventeen. Steve had been spending the weekend at Bucky's house. Bucky's mother and sister were visiting some cousins in Manhattan, so they were alone. It had been like their usual sleepovers. They were sprawled out on some cushions they'd lain on the floor. Bucky was doing some ridiculous pose and Steve was drawing him. A record player was going nearby. 

Bucky shifted when it changed to a popular love song. “Hey, I like this one!”

“Bucky, I wasn't done!” Steve scolded.

“Sorry, Stevie,” Bucky had said with a grin. He suddenly moved so his head was laying on Steve's lap and his legs were propped up on the nearby couch. He smiled and batted his eyelids at Steve.

“Knock it off, Buck!” Steve laughed.

Bucky gave him a faux pout, but obeyed. He sat a bit too closely to the blond. “Thanks for staying with me this weekend, Steve. I don't know what I would have done all alone in this house.”

“Hey, what are friends for?” Steve said.

“Yeah, friends...” Bucky said faintly.

“Something wrong?" Steve asked when Bucky was silent for a bit too long.

Bucky scooted even closer and placed a hand on Steve's shoulder. “Hey, Steve...how do you feel about me? Really?”

Steve was surprised by the question. “What brought this on?”

“Just tell me.”

“Well, uh, I really like you, Bucky,” Steve said awkwardly. “I think you're a great guy.”

His friend smiled at him. “Well, I really like you, too, Steve. I really, really like you.”

Steve was shocked still when Bucky suddenly leaned in and kissed him. It was a gentle kiss, not that he had any experience. Bucky lips felt as soft as they looked – but, but wait! This was his best friend. What was happening? Why was he kissing him?

He finally pushed against Bucky's shoulders until the other boy pulled back.

“Buck, w-what was that?” he demanded.

“I love you!” Bucky blurted out. He looked nervous, as if he hadn't planned on kissing Steve. Or maybe he was nervous about how Steve would react.

“You _what_?” Steve gasped. Where was this coming from?

“I love you, Stevie. I really, truly do. Have for a long time now,” Bucky confessed. He took hold of one of Steve's small hands.

“I-I don't know what to say,” Steve stammered. “I had no idea. I thought you liked dames.” Wasn't it just yesterday that Bucky was flirting with Lizzie Mills in the hallway?

“I do, but you're better than any dame,” Bucky told him. “You're the one I fell in love with. Steve, please, say you feel something for me.”

“I don't know, Buck,” Steve answered. “I mean, I do like you! I just never thought...”

This seemed to be a good enough answer for Bucky. He cupped Steve's face in his hands. “I want you to go steady with me, Steve. C'mon, give me a chance?”

Steve nodded in reply. He didn't know if he had any stronger feelings toward Bucky, but he was willing to try. He didn't want to lose his friend by rejecting him. Besides, how different could this be from their regular relationship?

Steve returned Bucky's kiss this time, and hoped he didn't just make a mistake.

X

Bucky picked up his discarded sketchbook. “What were you working on?”

“Mrs. Johnston from down the street offered to pay me to draw some pictures of her cats,” Steve explained. “I was trying to get some practice in.”

Bucky frowned at him. “Steve, you know you don't gotta do that.”

“Sure I do!” Steve insisted. “How am I gonna pay the bills without any money? And with Ma so bad, we need all the extra dough we can get.”

“Steve, sweetheart, you know that I can take care of you both,” Bucky reminded him. Steve knew very well that his fiancé was well-off. Bucky was always offering to help them pay for something or spoil Steve with sweets or a new outfit or something ridiculous.

“I know, Bucky, but I want to take care of her. I'm her son, it's my job,” Steve insisted.

“Yeah, but it's my job to take care of you,” Bucky shot back. “You know I worry about you, Steve. I just want to give you what you deserve.”

“I can fend for myself just fine,” Steve grumbled. Honestly, he wasn't some poor dame who needed to be pampered.

Bucky sighed and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “I know, I know. I guess I'll have to wait until after we're married to take care of you.”

Steve sighed and buried his face in Bucky's shoulder. He didn't like talking about their fast approaching wedding. Part of him was looking forward to it. He never thought anyone would actually want him. But it just felt so fast...and it was with Bucky...He hated that he was still unsure of his feelings toward his friend. He'd didn't know what that kind love felt like. But he did know that Bucky cared a lot more for him than he cared for Bucky. God, he felt like a heel.

“C'mon, Steve, we can't sit here all day,” Bucky said. “How about I take you out to lunch? And then we can stop by the Johnstons' for, uh, cat drawing.”

Steve smiled. “Sounds like a plan.” He felt a bit bad about leaving Ma, but she was sleeping a lot lately. She probably wouldn't notice they were gone.

“And then we can finally have that birthday talk,” Bucky added.

“Bucky-”

“Pleeeeease, Stevie? Let me show you a good time,” the taller man pleaded.

Steve grinned and shook his head. “We'll see.”


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky took him to some dance joint for his birthday. It doubled as a restaurant and a bar and was popular with young people. They got there in the evening, so the place was already full of people and full of energy. Bucky smiled and put an arm around him and guided him toward an empty table. Steve shifted nervously. This wasn't his sort of scene. This was more of Bucky's place. His friend had always been an excellent dancer. Steve had never gotten the hang of it.

“Bucky, y'know I don't dance,” Steve started, sinking into his chair.

Bucky sat across from him and placed a hand on his knee. “You will when I'm through with you,” he promised with a wink. “You just need to relax. You always get so wound up in public.”

Steve glowered. Of course he was uncomfortable in crowded places. No one ever seemed to see him and the ones that did either stared or gave him pitying glances. He wasn't sure which was worse.

“Sit tight. I'll go get us some drinks,” Bucky declared. 

Steve watched him make his way to the bar and chat up the bartender. Some broads sitting nearby gave him appreciative looks.

Steve huffed and thought of earlier. They had eaten dinner with Ma before coming here. The poor woman had somehow found the strength to make a meat and potato meal. Simple, but her cooking was always delicious. Steve didn't want to leave her alone for the evening but she insisted that he and Bucky go out and celebrate. She had looked at him with pride when she wished him a happy birthday and presented him with a new sketchpad and colored pencils (he had no idea when she might have bought them). Steve had been always been sickly, and had had a few close calls throughout his life. She was so happy that her now adult son was going to live the life she'd always dreamed of for him.

Steve looked around the place. His gaze lingered on the dancing couples for a bit before turning away. All of a sudden he locked eyes with a woman a few tables from his. She was definitely pretty with expertly styled brown curls and brown eyes. She wore a bright red dress that matched her lipstick. They looked at each other for what seemed forever before she finally gave him a smile. He felt himself smiling back. Maybe he should go say h-

“Here we go!” Bucky had returned with two pints of beer. Steve saw that the woman had joined in a conversation with her table mates. Oh well. What could he even say to her?

Bucky raised his glass in salute. Steve laughed and clicked their glasses together before taking a swig. Not the best beer he'd ever tasted, but it would do.

“Aw, my little Stevie, all grown up,” Bucky kidded. “You're a big boy now, aren't'cha?”

“Shut up. You sound like Ma,” Steve shot back. “No ribbing a guy on his birthday.”

They finished their drinks before Bucky started to try and get him to dance. “Just one dance, Steve. A slow one if you want.”

“I don't know, Buck. What if I step on your toes the whole time?” Steve asked nervously. 

“I'm sure you won't,” his friend soothed. “'Sides, I'd be honored to have a partner as cute as you crush my feet.”

Steve blushed and looked down, which made Bucky chuckle. “Fine. The next slow one.”

Bucky ordered them another round while they waited. Steve turned back to where that woman with brown eyes was sitting. To his disappointment, she was no longer there. He didn't know why he felt let down. He didn't even know her.

The music changed to a slow song just as Bucky returned with more pints. “Ooh, let's go Steve!”

Steve took his fiancé's outstretched hand and followed him to the dance floor. He could tell that they were getting a few stares. He could practically feel the broads from the bar glaring holes into him. He ignored them and let Bucky lead him around. Steve hated how he had to look up at Bucky, but the taller man had no issues with looking down at him. Bucky kept eye contact with him while they slowly rocked and turned. 

Steve winced when he actually kneed Bucky's shin. “I told ya I'm no good at this.”

“Nah, sweetie, you're doing just fine,” Bucky replied.

“Liar.”

Steve really should learn how to properly dance. His lackluster skills were fine here, but he didn't want to embarrass them at the wedding. He was glad when the song finally ended and quickly made his way back to their table, causing Bucky to laugh at him. Steve just grumbled and sipped at his still cool beer.

The dance had put Bucky in a good mood. He ordered a few more rounds for himself. Steve had stopped after his two pints. If Bucky was already cheerful, then booze could make him a real people person. It wasn't too long before he was chatting up dames and they were trying to tug him back to the dance floor. Steve only tolerated it for so long. He was glad Bucky was enjoying himself but he wasn't going to there like a chump all night.

Steve grabbed hold on Bucky's arm and started to guide him toward the door. “Come on, big guy. You've had enough for one night.”

Bucky followed him, probably sensing Steve's annoyance, but that didn't stop him from pouting. “But Stevie-”

“No buts,” the smaller man interrupted. Once outside, he hailed them a cab and gently maneuvered Bucky inside and climbed in after him. Bucky shifted closer to him and tried to wrap his arms around Steve.

“Bucky, not now!” he ordered in a harsh whisper.

“Hey, where to?” the cab driver demanded. 

Steve caught his glare in the rear view mirror. Great. He recognized the “I-don't-like-your-kind” look. At least he wasn't throwing them out. Steve gave the man his address and tried to push Bucky off of him. It wouldn't do any good to try and take Bucky back to his own house. Steve needed to make sure Ma was alright and he didn't think leaving his drunken fiancé alone with a prejudiced cab driver was a good idea.

The driver quickly made it to their destination, obviously not wanting to stay in their company for long. Steve grabbed some money from Bucky's pockets to pay him with. 

“Buck, we're home,” he told his friend, who had been resting his head on Steve's small shoulder. He tugged on Bucky's arm until he followed Steve out of the cab, which sped off as soon as they were out. Steve struggled to support his friend's weight as they made their way to his front door. He didn't see any lights on so Ma must have gone to bed. Good. She didn't need to see Bucky like this.

Steve quietly opened his door and gently shut it behind them once they were inside. “Follow me,” he ordered. He used the light from the window to see the path to his bedroom. “And keep down. We don't wanna wake Ma.”

“Yeah, sure. Imma be real quiet,” Bucky slurred. He kept a tight hold of Steve's hand and stumbled a bit as he walked.

Steve sighed as they made their way into his small bedroom. He hated it when Bucky was drunk. It was so hard to reason with him sometimes. Bucky let his boundaries slip and had less control. Steve still shuddered when he remembered that their last time at a bar together. Some joe had decided to strike up an overly friendly conversation with Steve, which sure rubbed Bucky the wrong way. The guy ended up with a bleeding nose and they were all thrown out.

“Come on, champ. Let's go to bed.” Steve wasn't nervous about stripping in front of Bucky. The guy had seen him in his underthings plenty of times before. He just had to make sure Bucky didn't try anything. His fiancé had a tendency to get handsy.

Bucky had followed his lead and dressed down to his undershirt and shorts. He pulled back the covers on Steve's bed and climbed in. He smiled at the blond and held out an arm in invitation. Steve rolled his eyes and joined Bucky on the bed. He tried to put some space between them, but Bucky wrapped his strong arms around him and pulled him close. 

“Buck, it's too hot for this,” he complained.

Bucky responded by tilting Steve's chin up so he could give him a hard and sloppy kiss. Steve tolerated it for a few moments before pulling away. “You taste like beer.”

“So d'you.” Bucky went back to licking and nibbling at his lips. Steve let out a small gasp when he felt Bucky's hand go up his shirt and started moving in nonsensical patterns across his stomach and chest.

“Bucky! Slow down!” Steve demanded. 

“C'mon, Steve, you never let me touch you like this,” Bucky protested. He pinched one of Steve's nipples, which sent a jolt right to the smaller man's cock.

“Because we're not married yet,” Steve explained. He squirmed a bit as Bucky grazed another sensitive spot. 

“We'll be soon enough. Why not get some practice in?” Bucky asked. He moved his hand down into Steve's shorts.

Steve hands fisted into Bucky's shirt as he felt warm fingers begin to fondle him. He could feel blood rushing into his already half-hard cock. “I-I don't know-”

“Please, baby, let me make you feel good,” Bucky said as he ran his thumb over the head of Steve's cock.

Maybe it was the alcohol in his system or that it had been awhile since he felt any touches down there (it sure wouldn't be good if Ma needed him and he had his hand down his pants) but he let Bucky continue. Steve buried his head in Bucky's chest to stifle any noise he made. Bucky teased him, tightening and loosening his grip before finally moving his hand in a rhythm. “Stevie, relax. You're all tense.”

Steve forced his body to relax and canted his hips to Bucky's touch. He didn't want to prolong this. It was almost unbearably hot in the room and this definitely wasn't helping. And there was always the fear that Ma would catch them. Not a sight for a lady her age.

It didn't take too long for him to finish. He gritted his teeth and enjoyed the momentary high of it and laid against Bucky for the moments afterward. He felt more relaxed than he had in a long while. He smiled when Bucky started to rub his back. It was nice to feel so content.

But soon enough his senses came back to him. He looked down and groaned when he saw the mess in his shorts. “I need to get out of these,” he muttered and moved to sit up. 

Bucky tightened his grip and held him still. “Do it in the mornin'.”

“Bucky-”

“I never gave you your birthday present,” the taller man interrupted.

Steve sighed. “It's fine, man. Just give it to me later.”

“Yer gonna love it, Stevie,” Bucky promised. Steve could hear a smile in his voice. “I was gonna show you tonight, but-”

“It's fine, Buck.”

“I'll show ya on Sunday, how about that? That's a good day for gifts.”

Steve could tell Bucky was drifting off. “Sure, sure. Just go to sleep already, you jerk.”

“...Punk.”

Steve laid still and listened to Bucky's breath even out. Once he was sure his friend was asleep, the blond squirmed a few inches away. He knew Bucky wold be upset about it in the morning – if he wasn't too busy dealing with a hangover – but he didn't care. Steve hated it when Bucky tried to hold him like that. Now, he knew that he was a little guy. Even though he wanted to be, he would never be as big or strong as the other guys. But that didn't mean he liked being small. Being around Bucky made him feel like – like – such a dame. He was weaker. He needed to be taken care of. He wanted to be the guy who stood up for what was right and could defend others, not that guy's housewife. 

Steve figured he should be ashamed of himself. Bucky was a great catch. He was his best friend and handsome and rich and his Ma was crazy about him. He loved Steve with all his heart and told him so daily. So what was his problem with this arrangement? 

He sighed and turned over on his side. Hell, he didn't know what he really wanted. He knew there really weren't a lot of options for a guy like him, but he wanted to explore the few he had. He'd always been with Bucky, it seemed. His friend had always been a big part of his life, and he practically took it over at the time it really mattered. Girls never looked twice at him before he and Buck got together and never did afterwards, but he still wanted to try. Maybe that was his problem. He wanted to be with a dame. He wanted a girl to take on dates and buy flowers for and admire the way her skirt flowed. But Steve didn't think his fiancé would be fine with him going out to chase the fairer sex. They were engaged, after all. A bit more serious than dating.

He dreamed of brown eyes and red lips that night.


	3. Chapter 3

“Bucky, are we there yet?” Steve demanded.

“Just a bit further, babydoll,” his friend answered.

They had taken a cab to the nicer part of the neighborhood. Bucky had them get out at a certain block and they had been walking for the past few minutes. And, good lord, was it starting to get hot. Steve could feel sweat starting to gather at his armpits. How embarrassing. 

Bucky had his hands over Steve's eyes. The taller man was taking Steve to his birthday gift. Steve figured it must really be something with the way Bucky was acting. He had a feeling it wasn't more drawing supplies.

They finally came to a stop. “You ready?” Bucky asked.

“Yes, just show me already,” Steve groaned.

Bucky uncovered his eyes. In front of them was a house. Two stories and painted white. It didn't look very old. Steve could see that there were plenty of windows. There was even a swing seat on the porch. All in all very quaint.

“What is this?” Steve asked. Why did Bucky bring him to someone's house?

“Surprise!” Bucky grinned and placed his hands on Steve's shoulders. “It's ours!”

“What? You got us a house?” Steve gasped. This was the last thing he expected.

“I was going to give it to you as a wedding present, but I couldn't wait.” Bucky retrieved a key from his pocket. “Shall we?” 

Steve looked at Bucky in awe. “When did you-”

“I've been saving up for awhile,” Bucky explained, obviously pleased with himself. “Paid for in full. All ours.”

They climbed onto the porch and went to the front door. Steve watched excitedly as Bucky unlocked it. He and Ma had been living in their small apartment for as long as he could remember. He didn't think he'd ever be able to move out. Well, of course he knew that eventually he and Bucky would need their own place, but he didn't expect this. Bucky held the door open for him.

“After you,” he said with a small bow.

“Knock it off,” Steve said with a playful shove.

The place looked nice on the inside. The flooring was made out of some shiny wood. The door opened to a small hallway, which was covered in a blue and gold diamond patterned wallpaper. It lead to a spacious sitting room with the wallpaper. There were blue curtains for the windows. There was a comfortable looking brown couch and two matching loveseats. In between them was a wooden coffee table.

“This- this looks great, Buck,” Steve stated.

“The previous owners did most of the decorating. And Mom and Rebecca picked out some new furniture. I figured they'd do a better job than me,” Bucky informed him. He fanned himself a bit with his hand. “Bit stuffy in here, though. Maybe we should open some windows.”

The place was pretty up to date. There was a working stove in their little yellow kitchen and a washer and dryer in the laundry room. All of the rooms had light fixtures. Two bathrooms with working sinks and toilets and bathtubs.

Steve admired the rooms while Bucky made comments. Steve admired their green dining room with a large oak table. “It'll be great for company,” said his friend. “Kitchen's pretty nice, too. One of us is going to have to learn to cook.”

They went up a staircase that lead to another long hallway. There were four doors down one side and two on the other.

Bucky opened the first door by the stairs, showing him a spacious room. The paper on the walls was pink with little blue flowers. There was a bed with a matching blanket. The curtains by the windows were white with little pink designs. There were drawers and a nightstand made out of some dark wood. 

“This a guest room?” Steve asked. He didn't think Bucky would put them in a room like this. Too...feminine for his friend's taste.

“This,” Bucky announced with a wave of his hand “is for your Ma.”

Steve turned to stare at him. “Really?” 

“Sure, Stevie! I know you wouldn't want to leave her by herself. Of course I want Sarah to come live with us. She's more than welcome.”

Steve beamed and threw his arms around Bucky, which was gladly returned. “Thank you, Buck. Not everyone would want their mother-in-laws to live in their house. This means a lot.”

“Anything for you, sweetheart. You know I love you both,” Bucky murmured.

Steve looked over the room again. His Ma would love it. It was exactly to her taste. She would be so comfortable in here. Maybe she'd even start to get better.

Bucky then led him down to the end of the hall. “Aaaaand, here's ours,” he announced as he opened the door wide.

The room was even bigger than Ma's. The walls were decorated in a gray and red striped pattern which Steve liked. The bed had matching colors. There was a window by the bed and a larger set across the room, which included a window seat. The rest of the furniture matched the kind in Ma's room.

“You like it?” Bucky asked. He now sounded a bit nervous. “I mean, we can change it if you don't.”

“It's great, Bucky,” Steve assured.

Bucky sighed in relief. The taller man walked over to the large bed and flopped down on it. “Ah, this is so soft! Come try it out, Steve.”

Steve rolled his eyes and walked over. When he was within reach, Bucky seized his wrist and tugged the blond down next to him.

“Bucky!” Steve scolded.

Bucky only chuckled and pulled him closer. Steve was suddenly overcome with the intimacy of the situation. Here he was, laying with his fiancé on what would be their...marriage bed. No one else was in the house, either.

“Just think, baby. Only three more months,” Bucky reminded him. “Then we can live here as a couple.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed faintly. Living in a house with Bucky. That sounded so odd. And permanent.

Bucky's face was suddenly a lot closer. Steve recognized the slightly pout-y expression he had. It meant he wanted a kiss. Steve obliged and pressed his lips against Bucky's. Bucky liked to kiss him long and slow and deep, as if savoring Steve. It wasn't long before Steve felt Bucky's arms wrap tightly around him and felt Bucky's tongue enter his mouth. It had been fine until Bucky flipped them so that Steve was on his back and Bucky was on top of him. His friend's weight combined with the heat suddenly made it hard to breathe. Steve shoved at Bucky until the man climbed off of him.

“Steve? What's wrong?” Bucky demanded. He watched worriedly as Steve gasped for breath. “Is it your asthma? We had the place dusted before I brought you over...”

Steve took a few more shuddering breaths before he was able to compose himself. “Just...hot.”

“Wait right here,” Bucky ordered. Steve watched as he quickly walked out of the room and went into the one across the hall. Bucky returned a few moments later with a glass of water. Must have been a bathroom.

Steve forced himself to drink the cool beverage slowly. He didn't want to choke again. Bucky gently rubbed his back.

“I'm fine, Bucky,” Steve insisted.

“Uh huh.” When he was finished with the glass, Bucky took it from him and set it on a nightstand. He then carefully lowered Steve back on the mattress. “Just lay still for a bit, okay?”

Steve shot him a look, but complied. It wouldn't hurt to rest for a few moments.

Bucky propped himself up on his elbow and watched as Steve's breaths evened out. “You alright now, doll?”

“Yeah, Buck. I already told you,” Steve replied. 

Bucky gave him a small smile.“Good. I hate seeing you sick.”

Steve would have thought his friend would be long used to that sight by now. He had spent half his life sick, it seemed.

Bucky glanced at his watch. “Oh, we gotta go soon if we're gonna meet Mom and Rebecca for lunch on time.”

“Alright,” Steve agreed as he sat up. Bucky put a hand on his arm to steady him. 

“I'm _fine_ , Bucky.”

“Just making sure.”

X

Winifred Barnes was a bit of a stern woman. Not that she was all work and no play, but she had always valued things like keeping promises and being on time. And she most definitely wanted what was best for her children.

It had taken her awhile to get used to the idea of her only son marrying another man. Didn't James want children? Didn't he want the family name to carry on? Of course, it was obvious to everyone that James was in love with his friend Steve, and Winifred knew that she couldn't stop that. (But really, Steve Rogers? Sickly and scrawny and hot tempered Steve out of all the boys to choose from?) What she could do, though, was delay their union for a bit. Really, when her boy told her that he wanted to get married right when he was finished with school, she was worried. She didn't want James to make any mistakes. After her son had officially proposed to his small friend, she had done her best to convince them to wait before actually marrying. Surely they could wait a few years to get their lives in order?

James hadn't liked the idea at all. He couldn't wait to make Steve a part of their family. Luckily, Steve had different plans. The dear boy had agreed with her wholeheartedly. Steve had wanted to stay home and help his mother and save some money before walking down the aisle. Her son was still a bit miffed, but they all eventually agreed to wait until Steve was twenty one to marry. 

Steve had always loved her for that.

He and Bucky met up with Mrs. Barnes and Rebecca at a small diner. They both resembled his friend greatly, except they both shared brown eyes instead of Bucky's blue. They greeted the boys with the same small smile.

“Mom! Becky! It's great to see you!” Bucky greeted. He leaned over to give each of them a kiss. Steve offered a smile instead.

Rebecca was having none of that. “Stop being so shy, Steve! Come and give me a hug.”

Steve's smile widened. “Sure thing, sugar.” He was glad to give his future sister-in-law a hug. He had always liked Rebecca. She had always been friendly toward him and knew how to put her brother in his place.

“Hey, you tryin' to steal my man, sis?” Bucky joked.

“How could I not? He's just so cute!” she laughed.

They all settled down when Winifred cleared her throat. Steve sat down in the chair Bucky held out for him. Again, treating him like a dame.

Mrs. Barnes started the conversation after they had their orders placed. “How have you been, Steve? It's been awhile since we've seen you.”

“I've been fine, ma'am,” Steve answered. “Although Ma's been getting worse. I've been trying to save money for a doctor.”

“You poor dears,” the older woman said. “How about I send Dr. Nichols over in a few days? I'll be happy to pay the charges.”

“I couldn't ask you to-”

“Nonsense, dear! It's the least I can do. We'll be family soon enough.”

Steve gave an appreciative smile. “Thank you, ma'am. It means a lot.” He didn't like to accept hand outs, but the woman did have a point. Besides, Ma needed to see a doctor a s soon as possible. Her cough had somehow gotten worse.

“So did you two go see the house today?” Rebecca asked.

“We sure did,” Bucky answered. “You guys did a great job decorating.”

“Yeah, it looks great,” Steve agreed.

“When are you guys moving in?” she asked after taking a sip of her drink. “Before or after the wedding?”

“After,” Steve answered quickly. 

Bucky raised an eyebrow at him. Maybe he answered too fast. “You really sure you want to wait that long, Stevie? I'm sure that Sarah would love to move out of your apartment.”

Steve gritted his teeth. What was Bucky trying to do, throwing his Ma into this? Make him feel guilty? Winifred thankfully spoke up. Steve was about to bite his fiancé's head off.

“That wouldn't be proper, James. You can wait a bit longer.”

“We have plenty of rooms. We don't have to share just yet-”

“Speaking of rooms, how far have you two imagined your future?”

“What do you mean?” Steve demanded. He suddenly didn't feel rescued anymore.

“Well, what about children? Have you ever considered adopting?” Mrs. Barnes sounded hopeful. She wasn't getting any younger and she wanted to see how her son would handle fatherhood.

Steve almost spat out his drink. That was the last thing he had been expecting to be asked. Bucky also looked flustered. “Gee, Mom, uh, no. We haven't really discussed that.”

“Perhaps it's time you should. I'm sure you would be great parents.”

“Yeah!” Rebecca agreed. “You two would have the cutest family!”

Heaven must have been on his side that day. Their food arrived and put a stop to this conversation. Steve didn't want to think more than a few weeks ahead. He didn't know if he could handle decisions like these, especially when it came to him and Bucky.

God, he was in so much trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's so sweet. I almost feel bad about bringing in Peggy. 
> 
> Almost.
> 
> I swear I'll finally introduce Peggy next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

If it was one thing Steve Rogers knew, it was that he would be damned if he didn't learn how to dance by the time his wedding came around. He couldn't afford to get Bucky some sort of fancy gift, but he could at least not embarrass him during their first dance. He knew that he already looked odd and awkward next to Bucky. Best not to attract the wrong kind of looks.

So the obvious solution to his problem was to take dancing lessons. Steve had come across a flyer a few days ago offering lessons three times a week. This was great for him. It was scheduled for noon, so Bucky would be at work at his family's shop (they catered to the more wealthy people in town, selling clothes and fancy imported foods and furniture) and wouldn't miss Steve. And “free” was also nice for his poor self. He and Ma needed to save all the money they could get.

Speaking of, Mrs. Barnes had kept her promise and talked to her doctor. The man had sent them a letter claiming that he would visit them later that day. Steve hoped he'd be done with his lesson by then. His mother's health was the most important thing to him and nothing was worth missing a long-awaited medical diagnosis.

Steve had written down the instructions to the small studio the poster instructed it's readers to go to. It was thankfully located near a bar that he was familiar with. The people in that area were friendly enough. Which was good. He didn't want to end up in a fight with some jerk. Having to explain to Bucky why he was covered in bruises would not be fun.

Steve was suddenly nervous as he walked inside the building. He hadn't seen anyone else around. What if the instructor had decided to cancel or what if he had gotten the time wrong? The blond didn't want to have come all this way for nothing. It turned out he didn't need to worry. 

The inside of the studio was one big room with a wooden floor and one wall covered entirely with mirrors. There was a gramophone sitting on a small table near the door.

But what immediately caught his attention was the beautiful woman standing in the center of the room. She had dark hair that had been curled. She wore a stylishly cut green dress and shoes with low heels. Ideal for dancing. And even though her head was turned down to look at her watch, Steve could make out her red lipstick.

Steve had no idea why he did what he did next. But he quickly slipped off his gold ring and dropped it into his pocket. 

The woman chose that moment to look up. A look of surprise came over her face as when she saw him. Must not have heard him come in.

“Oh!” she gasped. She quickly calmed herself and smiled. “Hello there. Are you here for the dance lessons?” Steve was surprised to hear a British accent.

“As a matter of fact, I am,” Steve replied with his own smile. He stepped forward and offered his hand. “Steve Rogers.”

She took his hand in a firm grip and have it a shake. “Peggy Carter. I'll be your dancing instructor this afternoon.”

“Sounds great.” Steve's heart fluttered when he noticed how the light made her brown eyes shine. “Do we start right away?”

“Actually, I was wondering if we could chat for a bit,” she said. “I'd like to get to know my student a bit.”

“Sure, sure,” Steve agreed. He felt eager to talk to this lovely lady.

“Good. Shall we?” She gestured to two chairs that were against the wall opposite the mirrors. She crossed her legs when she sat down, which gave her a sort of regal look, in Steve's opinion. He made sure to sit up straight.

“So, what made you decide to come for lessons?” she asked. “Trying to impress the ladies?”

Steve laughed. “Not exactly. It...just seemed like something every guy should know. I've spent a lot of nights being a wallflower. I hope you'll be patient with me, Ms. Carter.”

“Oh, please, call me Peggy,” she insisted. “It looks like you're my only student. We should get to be on familiar terms.”

“I guess so,” Steve agreed. God, the way she smiled made his heart beat faster. “So, what lead you to a becoming dance instructor? Lifelong passion, perhaps?”

She waved a hand in dismissal. “Oh. This is just a part time thing. I'm waiting for a more permanent job to become available.” She made a point of not mentioning what said job was, so Steve didn't ask.

“Pardon, but haven't I seen you before?” Peggy asked. “You seem a bit familiar.”

“Um, I'm not sure, I-” Steve started. He had a feeling he'd seen her before. “Oh! I think we saw each other at the bar a few blocks away. I was there last week with my...friend.” Why was he lying about Bucky? 

“Oh yes! I remember. I thought you looked quite miserable there,” she teased. “Although your friend seemed happy.”

Steve sighed. “Yeah, Bucky likes to drag me to places like that. It's kinda why I want to learn to dance. The ladies already aren't that interested in me. I figured I'd give them one less reason to be.”

Peggy gave him a sympathetic look. “Really now? I'm sure there's some girl out there who's after a fine fellow like yourself.”

Those words made Steve feel...nice. “Nah, not for me.” For more than one reason. “'Sides, I can't really afford to pay for anyone's dinner at the moment. My mother's sick and I'm trying to save what I can.”

“Oh dear,” Peggy tutted. “Is she going to be alright?”

Steve chewed on his bottom lip. “I'm-I'm not really sure. We have a doctor coming by later today, though.”

“Well, you should surely be there with her when he comes,” Peggy stated. “We'll begin your lessons on Wednesday, alright?”

“Are you sure?” Steve asked. He didn't want to be out of her company any sooner than necessary. “I mean, I'm sure we have time-”

“Nonsense,” she said firmly. “Go be with your mother. I know you want to. And you should. I'll see you in a few days.”

“Thank you,” Steve said. He would be lying if he said he wasn't worried he would miss the doctor's visit. “And I look forward to dancing with you, Peggy.” And since when was he so bold? “I'm sure I'll learn a lot.”

She grinned and nodded at him. “As am I.”

X

Steve played his encounter with Peggy Carter over and over again in his mind as he walked back home. She was just...damn. He had never met a lady like her before. He had to admit he was a bit disappointed that they didn't have a lesson. Steve felt that he would have loved to get to touch her. In any way. (Her skin had looked so soft.) He was glad that he was guaranteed to make it to his mother's doctor visit, but Steve already missed Peggy's presence. Just the mere thought of her was making him smile like a fool. She was beautiful and bold and confident and understanding and -

Oh no.

Good lord, was he becoming sweet on Peggy? Right after he just met her? No, no he couldn't be. It had just been awhile since he'd had a nice conversation with a dame, that's all. It would be a problem if he was falling for Peggy so soon. He wasn't that pathetic.

No, this was a problem because he was engaged! What would Bucky say if he saw how Steve was acting right now? Steve tried to recall the last time he had smiled this way over Bucky.

He couldn't. 

Steve wasn't sure if his fiancé had ever made his blood feel so hot or his heart beat so fast. They were going to get married in a few months. They had known each other for years. Steve had known Peggy for all of twenty minutes.

He groaned and ran a hand over his eyes. He couldn't think about this right now. He had to focus on Ma.

This wasn't good.

X

Sure enough, Dr. Nichols arrived soon after Steve returned home. He had just been fetching a glass of water for Ma when the man came knocking.

“Doctor, it's good to see you,” Steve greeted. “May I take your coat?”

“Yes, thank you, Steven,” the man answered. Nichols was a man in the middle of his life. His usual nice suits helped distract from his thick glasses and thinning brown hair. He was friendly and good with children, and very popular around town. He had helped Mrs. Barnes through a nasty coughing spell last spring.

Steve folded the man's coat over a chair and showed him the way to his mother's room. Ma was awake and alert today. This surprised Steve since she had been sleeping more and more often. That wasn't to say that she was getting any better. She seemed to somehow keep getting thinner. She reminded Steve of a porcelain doll, so frail and fragile looking. He wondered if that's how she always saw him.

“Mrs. Rogers, how are you feeling today?” Dr. Nichols asked. He set his black bag down on her night stand.

“I've certainly been better, sir,” she said with a weak laugh. Steve frowned.

“Steven, would you mind leaving the room while I examine your mother?” the doctor asked. “I don't mean to be rude, but I like to be alone with my patients.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” Steve most certainly did not want to leave, but this was no time to argue. Anything to make sure the doc did a good job. He and his ma smiled at each other while he back out of the room and closed the door.

He sighed and made his way to the couch. His sketchpad was laying nearby, but he wasn't in the mood to draw. Too nervous. Not good for focusing or keeping straight lines. Besides, he was certain that he would only try to perfectly capture Peggy Carter's likeness. The blond wished that Bucky was there with him. He understood what Steve was going through.

He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. Why had he lied to Peggy about his relationship with Bucky? And why had he taken off his ring? Steve hurriedly took it out of his pocket and slipped it back on. It felt strangely cold, as if it sensed betrayal from its owner. 

Steve winced as he felt guilt rise up. One pretty girl talked to him and he denied his fiancé? What was wrong with him? He should be perfectly happy with Bucky. Strong, funny, loving Bucky. Not thinking about Peggy Carter and her full lips and bright smile and strong hands and oh damn it.

Hell, why was he even thinking about either of them at the moment. He should be praying that Ma would get better. But that didn't make Steve feel any better, either. What if something was seriously wrong?

On second thought, maybe he would try and draw something. Just to have something to occupy his mind.

Steve didn't know exactly how long he was waiting. Long enough to raw two full pages of birds and definitely not start a sketch of the outline of Peggy's face. The creak of his mother's door sounded loud as a shout in the quiet of the house. Dr. Nichols walked out with a solemn expression. Steve watched him warily as the man sat across from him.

“How bad is it?” he asked. No one with that sort of look could have anything good to say. 

“I'm afraid it's quite bad, Steven,” the doctor answered. “I'm so sorry to say this, but your mother has tuberculosis. I'd say she only has a few more months to live.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that escalated quickly.
> 
> Anyway, how is my writing? I've never written these characters before and I want to be sure I'm doing it right. Especially Peggy.(though I haven't really developed her yet).
> 
> Also, how the hell do I use italics on this site.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

The first Monday after they became a couple was not what Steve had expected.

Steve helped make breakfast with Bucky as he usually did when he slept over weekends. Something simple before they walked to school. That's the last normal moment in their relationship Steve could remember. He was already beginning to notice changes in his friend. Bucky just kept _smiling_ at him. Sure, he was used to seeing Bucky laugh or his shit-eating grin when making some stupid joke. But this was different. Steve would look up from his coffee and toast to see Bucky giving him a bright smile, like Steve was the reason the sun rose that morning. It was just odd. No one had ever looked at him like that before.

“You sleep well last night?” Steve asked, trying to relieve some of his tension. Why was he even tense? It was just Bucky...who was now his best guy. “You don't usually look this chipper in the morning.”

“I'm just glad to see you, Stevie,” Bucky answered, still smiling happily.

“...You see me all the time.”

“Yeah, but now you're _with_ me,” his friend emphasized. “You have no idea how amazing that makes me feel, Steve.”

Steve blushed and looked down. Damn, Bucky really had been pining for him, hadn't he?

Bucky insisted on packing Steve's lunch for him. The taller boy hummed happily as he prepared them both some sandwiches and placed them in brown paper bags. Steve had never seen someone look so goddamn happy while spreading peanut butter on bread.

“Ready to go?” Bucky asked when he had finished.

“Sure am.” Steve lifted his books into one arm and reached for a bag with another. He was confused when Bucky stopped him.

“You get the bags. Let me get your books,” Bucky insisted. Before Steve could protest, Bucky snatched them away from his small friend and easily held them along with his own.

“What are you doin' that for? I always carry them,” Steve grumbled. He grabbed both bags and held them in one hand.

“What? Don't good boyfriends carry their sweetheart's books for them?” Bucky teased.

“Are you serious?” Steve demanded. “I'm not a girl.”

“Never said you were. Just let me do this for you, please?”

“...Fine.” It wasn't a big deal. If it made Bucky happy, why not let the guy carry his things?

Steve thought that would be the end of the weirdness. Of course, Bucky proved him wrong. After they left his house, Bucky took hold of Steve's free hand and entwined their fingers together.

“Buck?”

“What? I can't carry your books and now I can't hold your hand? You're so mean, Stevie!” Bucky wasn't able to keep his faux pout for too long before he broke out smiling again.

Steve just rolled his eyes. They were a couple now. This is what couples did, right? 'Sides, it felt nice to have Bucky's hand lightly gripping his. He felt himself start to smile, too. When he turned to look at his friend, Bucky would waggle his eyebrows and make the blond laugh. Bucky continued to hum on their way to the school building. That's when Steve's sense of peace broke.

It seemed that they received stares as soon as they set foot on the school yard. They both usually attracted attention in their own way. People liked Bucky, and Steve always seemed to receive mocking or indifferent looks. He could see girls looking at them with surprise and some guys giving them disgusted looks. Steve knew that some kids in the school didn't think that two guys shouldn't be together, so that wasn't going to be fun to deal with. And there were plenty of girls who had wanted to get with Bucky themselves. Steve could already hear the jealousy and disgust fueled taunts that would come his way.

But Bucky wasn't having any of it. He met their gazes with his own challenging one and squeezed Steve's hand tighter. He grinned and raised his eyebrows when he made eye contact with one of the school bullies. They didn't say anything until they arrived to their classroom. Due to height differences, Steve sat in the front and Bucky was in the back. Bucky didn't let go of his hand until Steve was sitting at his desk.

“Don't worry about them, Stevie,” Bucky insisted. “I'm right here for ya, alright?”

Steve smiled. He loved how his friend was always there for him. “Sure, Buck.”

Bucky winked at him before going to his own desk. They didn't have anymore trouble until their lunch break. Their class had gone outside to eat. Steve and Bucky were seated on a bench. Bucky threw an arm around him as they ate their sandwiches. There was a bit of a chilly breeze, so it felt nice to sit close to Bucky's warm body.

Steve had just started on his second sandwich when Bucky started to chuckle.

“What's funny?”

“Do you see Clarkson over there? He keeps giving us this _look_.”

Steve followed his friend's gaze. Clarkson, another resident asshole, was giving them the stink eye.

“Think he likes what he sees?” Steve joked.

“He must!” Bucky agreed. “He's not the only one looking at us. Why not put on a show?”

“Wha-” He was cut off by Bucky's mouth covering his. Surprised, Steve pulled away. He suddenly felt self-conscious. Sure, most of the school already inferred that they were _together_ now...but kissing Bucky in public didn't seem right. Or maybe he just didn't want anyone to see them. But why not? He wasn't ashamed to be seen with Bucky like this, was he?

“I don't think-”

“Why _not_ , Stevie? Just look at the looks they're givin' us!”

Steve quickly glanced around. He couldn't help but laugh at the incredulous looks they were getting.

“Some of them look so _scandalized_! Are we immoral vagrants now?”

“I'm more than happy to be a vagrant with you, Mr. Rogers.” Bucky took hold of his chin and turned his head back. “Really, baby. I don't care if the whole world's against us, s'long as I have you. I'm with you 'til the end of the line, pal. I love you.”

Bucky's words made Steve's heart grow warm. “Oh, Bucky,” he whispered. He was at a loss for words. No one had ever spoken to him like that before. This time he saw no problem with wrapping his arm against his boyfriend's neck and returning his kiss. He believed Bucky's words. He just hoped that he would be able to fully return his feelings. His friend deserved that.

The stares they were getting only made it better.

X

Dr. Nichols gave his mother something to help her sleep before leaving. Steve numbly showed him out, only half listening to the man's promises to check up on her soon. When he was gone, Steve stood in silence for what seemed a long while. He was having trouble processing this terrible news. His Ma...was dying? Sarah Rogers was dying? It seemed impossible. His mother couldn't be that sick. She was supposed to be there for him and attend his wedding and move into that pretty white house with him and Bucky. Not this. _Not this_.

Steve wished that he could go in and hug her. He had no idea how she reacted to the doctor's diagnosis. He doubted it went well. God, what was he going to say when she woke up? What were they going to do?

He managed to keep calm until Bucky came by, as he usually did after work. Steve must have looked terrible. Once Bucky was inside, he pulled his fiancé into a tight hug. “Oh, sweetheart. Was it bad?”

Steve sat them down on the couch and told Bucky what Dr. Nichols had said. As soon as the words left his lips, Steve buried his head in Bucky's chest and began to sob. He cried for a long time, until his throat was sore and it was hard to breath and Bucky's shirt felt wet. Bucky pulled Steve onto his lap and held him tightly. The blond feel his friend's body shake and heard whimpers other than his own. Of course Bucky was crying with him. He loved Sarah. Couldn't wait to have her as a mother in law. How couldn't he, when the woman was always the biggest supporter of their relationship?

When he finally felt cried out and exhausted, he limply laid against Bucky and took shaky breaths. Bucky began to rub his back and make shushing noises.

“It's gonna be alright, Steve,” Bucky promised him a hoarse whisper. “It's gonna be alright. I'm right here for you. I'll get you two through this. It's gonna be alright.”

“How do you know?” Steve choked out. “Your mother isn't _dying_.”

“...No, she's not. But you gotta stay strong, baby. Be strong for your ma, and I'll stay strong for you.” Steve felt a kiss against the top of his head. He sighed and curled up tighter against Bucky. He was glad his friend was here. He desperately needed some sort of rock to keep him steady. Who better than Bucky?

A wave of guilt come over him as he remembered that he was thinking very differently earlier that day. Fuck, did he really have to think about Peggy right now? His mother was deathly ill and he was sitting in his fiancé's lap. The hell was wrong with him? He groaned and hid his face in Bucky's chest again.

He felt Bucky tense, obviously expecting another crying fit. When it didn't come, the taller man placed a few more gentle kisses on Steve's head. All the while whispering “it's gonna be alright” over and over. Steve didn't think either of them believed that at the moment.

Steve was beginning to doze off when Bucky pulled him back to look at his face. “Oh, sweetheart.” He wiped a few of Steve's stray tears away with his thumb. Steve noticed that Bucky's own eyes were red and puffy. He didn't even want to know how he looked.

“You should eat something,” Bucky said quietly.

“M'not hungry.” Really, how could Bucky think of food of a time like this? “I just want to go to sleep.”

“I know, baby, but it's not good to go without eating. I'm sure if Sarah were awake she'd tell you the same.” Bucky stood, still holding Steve in his arms. He then laid Steve back down on the couch. “You wait right here, yeah? I'll go whip us up something right quick.”

Steve watched as Bucky walked to the kitchen. He realized that his stomach did feel empty along with twisted. Crying must really work up an appetite. He listened to Bucky moving things around and closed his eyes. It really did make him feel better that Bucky was here with him. He was already losing Ma. If it wasn't for his fiancé, he would be all alone when she was gone.

His eyes snapped back open and he grabbed his sketchbook. It was still open to the outline of Peggy's face he had been working on. He couldn't let Bucky see that. Steve closed the book and threw it under the coffee table. He didn't need to think about her right now. He just wanted to eat whatever Bucky was making and then curl up in bed with the man. Because, fuck, he needed to be held right now. And Peggy Carter wasn't the person to do that.


	6. Chapter 6

Steve hadn't planned on going to his next dance lesson, not after the devastating news he had received. He just wanted to say home and spend as much time with Ma as possible. Why the hell should he think about dancing when his mother was dying? She would definitely need him around now.

Except she didn't. “Steve, honey, don't you have somewhere to be right now?” Sarah was sitting up in bed and sipping at the water that Steve had brought her. She looked tired, but otherwise fine today. “I thought you were taking dance lessons.”

“I am – well, I was,” Steve admitted. “But I'm not going. You need me here more.”

She gave him a disapproving look. “I think you should go, Steve. There's no reason to be sitting by my bedside all day.”

“But, Ma-”

“No buts, Steven. I don't want you to put your life on hold for me, dear. Go out and have fun for a few hours. I think I'm just going to get some more sleep.” As to further her point, she laid back down and closed her eyes.

“Are you-” “Yes, dear, I'm sure.”

Steve still felt a bit reluctant, but he put on his jacket and headed toward the dance studio. Ma would be fine alone for a bit, wouldn't she? The woman had accepted the news of her impending death with a brave face. She had told her son that her main concern was seeing him happy before she went.

“Honestly, Stevie, I've been expecting this to happen for awhile now,” she had confessed to him the morning after they received her diagnosis. “Why else would I be so sick for so long? But listen to me, Steven. Life goes on. I moved on after my parents died, and I moved on after your father died, even though it hurt. God knows it hurt! And I know that this will hurt you. But you need to know that I love you more than anything, and I just want you to be happy. So don't mourn over me for too long after I'm gone, alright? Just focus on your future, darling, and you'll be fine.”

Steve smiled sadly. It was just like Sarah Rogers to stay strong until the very end. What else could he do but respect her wishes? He hoped his expression wasn't too abysmal as he entered the studio.

His mood instantly lifted when he laid eyes on Peggy. The woman looked wonderful in a white blouse and blue skirt. Steve could hear her hum as she looked through a box of records.

The blond shut the door with more force than necessary to make sure she heard him enter this time, Sure enough, Peggy's head snapped up fast enough to make Steve chuckle. “Afternoon, Peggy.”

She smiled at him. “There you are, Steve. I was just trying to find the right music. I didn't know if you wanted to start with something classic or a more modern dance.”

Steve came closer to her, hearing his heartbeat increase with every step. “I think I'll go with classic.”

“Well, then -” Peggy paused when she got a good look at him. “Is something wrong, Steve? You look awful!”

Steve turned his face away and rubbed the back of his head. He didn't want to load off all of his problems on this lovely woman, but he felt the truth just spill out of him. “It's my mother. She...she's really sick.”

Peggy looked at him with sympathy. “Oh, Steve, I'm so sorry. How bad is it?”

Steve could feel his eyes start to burn. “The doctor gave her a few more months.”

Peggy frowned and put a hand on his shoulder. Steve felt a jolt of energy go through him at the simple touch. “If you want to, we can cancel for today. You probably want to go spend time with her, yes? It's perfectly fine.”

Steve smiled softly and placed a hand over hers. (He, God help him, had taken off his engagement ring before coming in.) “No, I'll stay. 'Sides, she wanted me out of the house, anyway.”

She smiled back at him. “Alright then. I hope you're ready to work.”

“You bet I am.” They stayed like that a few more moments, just smiling and looking at the other. Steve hadn't felt this content since the last time he'd seen her. He almost protested when she abruptly pulled away. His shoulder felt cold with the sudden loss of her warm hand.

“Well, let's get to it, then.” Peggy selected a record and put it on the gramophone. Even Steve was able to recognize the music of the waltz.

Peggy took his hand and led him a it further into the room. “We'll start of simple. Place your right hand on my left arm.”

Steve obeyed, glad that she wasn't too much taller than him. She took hold of his free hand and held their arms out. “Now, with the waltz you should be able to follow the beat. You move in sort of a box pattern. Start with moving your left foot forward and I'll move my right one back.”

Steve followed the simple instruction. “Remember, I have two left feet.”

“I'm sure you'll be fine. Besides, if you scuff my shoes then you can just buy me a new pair.” They both grinned at her joke. “Next you'll move your right foot to the side and then follow with your left.”

They slowly went through the rest of the steps. Right foot back, left foot to the side, right foot to the side. Simple enough. Peggy went through them a few more times just to be sure.

“You're doing well,” she told him. “Think you're ready to go a bit faster?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Steve replied. He was beginning to feel confident. Like he could actually impress this woman. Like he could show her a good time.

It was a bit awkward for him to move since he was smaller than her, but they managed to find an even speed. Steve was surprised to find that he was actually having fun. He had never lead a dance before. That was always Bucky's thing. ( _No, don't think about him right now_.) It was easy to pretend that they were on a date in some dance joint. He could see it now: he was dressed in his best clothes, she was wearing some pretty dress, and all the guys were giving him dirty looks because he had the prettiest gal in the room. Steve would buy Peggy a few drinks and make sure she got home safely at the end of the night. And maybe even -

The music had stopped. Steve hadn't even noticed, between all his day dreaming and making sure to take the right steps.

“You did wonderful, Steve!” Peggy assured him. Steve felt a sense of loss when she stepped back from him. “Are you sure you never learned to dance? You picked up on it quickly.”

“I just had a good teacher,” he corrected with a grin. “You'll have me whipped into shape in no time, Ms. Carter.”

Steve could have sworn he saw her cheeks turn a bit red. No, he never had that effect on anyone besides Bucky. Peggy waved her hand in dismissal. “Oh, this is just the first lesson. The rest might be more complicated.”

“I'm looking forward to it,” Steve said. “I'd bet you could teach a fire hydrant to dance.”

“Well, I don't like to brag...” Peggy drawled. They both laughed loudly. Steve liked the sound of her laugh. It made him feel something special.

“I think that's enough for today,” Peggy announced after they caught their breath. “You really did well today, Steve. You'll be on the dance floor all night after we're through.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Steve rubbed the back of his head. He knew that he should tell her why he was really taking these lessons - that he was getting ready for his _wedding_ , but he just couldn't bring himself to. He liked Peggy. _Really_ liked her. He had just met the woman a few days ago, but he could swear he was beginning to feel something between them, and he didn't want to let go of that. Not just yet, anyway.

Peggy was gathering her jacket and bag. “So, how about you accompany a lady on her way home? It's not _too_ far from here.”

Steve beamed at the thought of spending more time with her. “It would be my pleasure, ma'am.”

His smile only grew wider when she accepted his offered arm.

X

It was three months after they started going steady that Steve first began to think he'd made a mistake.

Bucky had come over to his place to “study”. The guy had shown up with an armload of books and an innocent expression. He gave Sarah a polite smile before she went off to work at the hospital. If his mother knew what they were up to (which she probably did) she didn't say anything. Probably just glad that someone had finally taken interest in her son. And she always had liked Bucky.

(Steve suspected that she had always wanted them to get together.)

It wasn't too long after she left that they had dropped any pretense with their school books. Bucky had laid back on the couch and Steve was stretched out on top of him. Steve liked kissing Bucky. He liked the attention and the feeling of warm lips against his own. He liked the feeling of one large hand on his back and fingers combing through his hair. He liked the feeling of Bucky's broad shoulders under his own small hands.

Bucky was kissing him fast and eager. Steve had given up on trying to match every lick and suck and nibble. He let Bucky work his lips and sighed happily when the other boy allowed Steve's tongue in his mouth.

He gasped softly when he felt the hand on his back slide down to his ass. Steve could imagine the filthy grin Bucky would have if his mouth wasn't otherwise occupied. Okay, this was new...but not unpleasant. He let out another small gasp when Bucky squeezed his right cheek. Bucky's body shook with muffled laughter underneath him. _Jerk_.

They continued on like that for a bit longer until the hand left his ass and went to the front of his pants and started to undo the button.

Steve pulled away. “What are you doing?”

Bucky smiled and patted his cheek. “C'mon, Stevie, let's have some fun. Aren't you tired of just kissing all day?” He undid Steve's fly and pressed a few fingers inside. Steve squirmed away from the contact. “Stop!” he demanded. “I – I don't think-”

Bucky pouted and removed his hand. “What's wrong? You know you don't have to be shy around me, baby.”

Steve could feel his face turning red. He'd never thought about Bucky trying to touch him _there_. At least not so soon.

He was shocked when his friend bucked up at him. When did Bucky get so hard? Steve could hear his blood pounding in his ears. No, no, this was too soon for him.

“What's the matter?” Bucky asked. Steve could see confusion and apprehension in his blue eyes. The poor guy must have thought he'd done something wrong to get rejected.

“It's – well – we're not married. It's not right to be together like that,” Steve blurted out. He actually hadn't thought about that until he said it, but he had been raised with the notion that love making was between married couples. Not by two young men on a couch when the only supervision was away. That had to be why he didn't want Bucky to touch him. He hoped that was the reason.

Bucky looked at him with wide eyes for a moment before relaxing. “Oh, right.” His arms went around Steve's middle and held him tightly. “That's alright, babydoll. We can wait.”

What did Bucky mean by that? They weren't -

He was distracted by Bucky's hardness brushing against his leg. “But this thing sure is bothering me, Steve. Mind if I take care of it?”

Steve didn't know how to say no to Bucky's hopeful look. “Uh, alright?”

“Thanks a whole bunch, baby.”

Bucky slowly began to rock against him. Steve watched fascinated as his friend's mouth opened and let out shallow breaths. Blue eyes widened and bore into Steve's. The blond found himself moving with Bucky. He wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. Bucky began to let out happy sounding sighs and moans when Steve pressed against him harder. The smaller boy had to admit that he liked being able to reduce his much bigger and stronger friend to this. It made him feel strangely powerful. Oh lord, he shouldn't be thinking like that!

Bucky finally finished with a small cry. He pulled the blond back up to his mouth for a kiss. “Ah, Stevie, that was great,” he said like he was congratulating the blond on a job well done.

“Shit, I would have brought a change of pants if I had known this would happen."

Steve snickered as Bucky went into the bathroom to try and do something about the stain on the front of his pants. His mirth soon turned into guilt when he thought about what just happened between them.

He realized that he was letting Bucky decide how their relationship went. Steve still didn't fully believe that the older boy would want to stay for him for too long. After all, who would want to waste their time courting skinny sickly Steve Rogers?

Bucky would, was the answer he always gave himself. It was about time he accepted that. His friend had been nothing but happy and enthusiastic ever since the day they first kissed. But instead of feeling relief that his relationship was secure, Steve panicked. God, how did he really feel about Bucky? Bucky was his friend. Bucky was his best friend. And...that was it. Sure, he liked kissing the poor guy, but Steve always had a thing for handsome guys as well as pretty girls. He had no real desire to be with Bucky. Bucky was just too familiar and too safe to be a lover in Steve's eyes.

So what was he going to do? Should he just go and break it off here and now? No, that wouldn't lead to anything good. They'd been a happy couple until a few moments ago. (And Bucky still thought they were). Would Bucky be alright with going back to the way things were before? In his gut, Steve knew that he wouldn't. It had obviously taken a lot of courage for Bucky to even confess his love to him. And he always looked so _happy_ when he was around Steve...

All Steve knew at the moment was that he didn't want to lose his friend. So he made what he knew was a bad decision. He was going to stay with Bucky. If his friend wanted Steve as a boyfriend for some odd reason, then Bucky deserved it. Steve would give his friend whatever he wanted. And Bucky was so good to him, surely Steve would eventually come to love him!

He _had_ to.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, some of you guys seemed distraught after the last chapter lol. But you got to keep in mind that Steve started dating Bucky when he was sixteen. Of course he'd freak out at the thought of a prolonged relationship with his best friend. He was a kid who didn't know what he wanted (though he still isn't quite sure what he wants...) It's been five years since then and Steve's had time to adjust and develop more affection for Bucky.
> 
> Also, it's come to my attention that pre-serum!Steve should be getting sick a lot and mine really hasn't. Allow me to remedy that.

Steve should have known that karma would eventually keep up with him. And it did so one morning when he woke up with a nasty cold. It had actually been a few months since he had any sort of illness. Of course he would get sick now. His luck had to run out sometime.

It wasn't really _that_ bad. He had a slight headache and his nose felt blocked up and he could already tell he would be coughing later on, but it wasn't anything he couldn't deal with.

Normally when this happened he would stay home and try and sleep it off. His ma would make him soup and Bucky would come and sit by his bed. (Or climb into bed with him. Or carry him to the couch and snuggle with him there. It depended on how Steve was feeling.) Steve may have been stubborn, but he wasn't going to tempt fate and possibly make any illness worse by overexerting himself.

Unfortunately for him, today was a day he had with Peggy. For the past two weeks, they had perfected the waltz and had moved on to the foxtrot. It was the most fun that Steve had had in awhile. Peggy was such a great and patient teacher and Steve had managed to not step on her toes.

He had been trying to work up the courage to ask her out to lunch sometime. Or a walk in the park. Anything to spend a bit more time with her, really. Well, today certainly would not be that day. But he sure as hell wasn't going to stay here all day and stand her up. He couldn't stand the thought of her waiting around for him all alone in the studio. What if she never wanted to see him again?

So, even though it was probably a bad idea, he got out of bed and dressed himself for the day. His slight fever was making the already hot room even hotter, so he decided to leave his shirt unbuttoned and tie undone until the last minute. He was careful not to make any excess noise, lest he further aggravate his aching head.

Steve had no appetite that morning, but he forced down some water and a piece of bread. He wondered if Ma was awake yet. His mother had been sleeping a lot recently. It was making Steve so worried. When would the day come that she just wouldn't wake up? It was already so quiet in this house. He didn't want it to become permanent.

Steve's only reprieve came when Bucky dropped by after work. Bucky would always come to keep him company. He would watch (and sometimes laugh) as Steve attempted to cook something simple for dinner. If Ma was awake, they would go into her room for awhile and chat to her. Well, Bucky stayed longer than him. Both Sarah and Bucky were concerned that Steve would also catch tuberculosis and he was often sent out of her room. Steve understood, but it still hurt. He doubted that he would be allowed in today.

After that, Steve would usually curl up on the couch with his sketchpad and Bucky would cuddle up next to him and they would chat and tease each other. 

Steve's head started to throb. Here he was again. Thinking about a woman when he had such a caring fiancé. But Peggy was his friend. Surely he was allowed to spend time with friends. Right?

He laid his head on the cool kitchen table and dozed until it was time to leave. His usual coughing fits started just as he reached the front door. Great. Just great.

Steve winced at the sunlight as he stepped outside. Alright, go see Peggy and then get right back home. A simple mission. He walked as fast as he dared down to the dance studio. He must have been earlier than usual, since Peggy was still standing outside and fumbling with keys.

“Hey, Peggy!” Steve called out. He hated how hoarse his vice sounded.

“Oh, Steve! You're here early.” Her smile quickly turned to a frown when she got a good look at him. “Oh, dear. You look so pale!”

“Yeah, tha's what I wanted t' talk to you about.” And he was slurring his words, too. “I- I'm sort of sick t'day. I'm really, really sorry, but I don' -”

“Steve, Steve, of course you shouldn't be here if you're sick,” Peggy said firmly. “You should really be in bed. You won't get any better in this heat.”

“Yeah, I know.” Steve laughed weakly. “I jus' didn' want you t' wait fer me.”

Peggy's expression softened. “That's very considerate of you Steve. Thank you for thinking about me. But please go home and get some rest. I'll see you next week, alright?”

“...Alright.” Steve wanted to come back sooner, but he never had a history of recovering fast.

She gave him a bright smile. “Get well, soon, Steve. I'll look forward to our next lesson.”

She waved as she turned and walked in the direction of her home. Steve stood and watched her leave. She walked so gracefully...

Peggy turned and looked back at him before she turned the corner. She grinned and made a shooing motion with her hands. His laugh turned into a few painful coughs.

Steve ducked his head and turned to go home. He thought that interaction had gone well. Some part of him had been afraid that she would be upset with him. He didn't know why, she was always so kind-

“Hey, shorty!”

Steve turned around. Who else but him would be “shorty”? Behind him was some sleazy looking guy. The man's shirt was untucked and there was a bottle in his hand. “Who was that girl you were talkin to? No way she was your girlfriend!”

Steve stood as straight as he could and looked the jerk in the eye. “What's it to you?”

“I just find it hard to believe that a dame like that would waste time on you,” the jerk laughed. “She needs a guy more like me. I bet I could satisfy her.”

Steve's head doubled in pain, but he was so angry that he didn't care. “Don't you degrade her like that! You don't deserve to breath the same air as her!”

The guy threw his bottle to the side and pulled Steve into the nearest alleyway. Of course.

“You wanna say that again?”

“What? Can't you hear? Or is your head to think fer that?” Steve coughed right in the guy's face. That did not sit well with him.

Steve's head was aching so bad that he almost didn't feel the punch to the side of his face. Almost. The jerk laughed when Steve almost crumbled after that blow. “Not such a tough guy now, huh?”

Steve spit at him. “I could do this all day.” He tried to throw a feeble punch, but the man grabbed his arm and then landed one of Steve's mouth. He tasted blood.

“Now that was just pathetic.”

Steve prepared himself for the next blow. It never came.

“Bucky!” His fiancé had his assailant by the collar and was ramming his fist into the man's face over and over. Bucky looked absolutely furious. When had Bucky gotten here? His friend was still dressed in his work clothes, so he couldn't have left his shop early. Wait, the place wasn't too far from this alley. Maybe he had gone for a break and heard the commotion?

Bucky finally let go of the man after one final blow to the nose. “Get the hell out of here!” 

The low-life ran out of the alleyway while clutching his bloody face. Bucky glared after him until he was gone from sight. He then turned to Steve.

Bucky's expression went from anger to worry in a split second. “Steve!” Bucky dropped to his knees and pulled the blond into a tight hug. After Steve winced, Bucky pushed him back and ran his eyes over Steve's body. “Oh, baby, you're hurt! What were you thinking? That guy was twice your size!”

Steve's head was spinning. He grasped Bucky's shoulders to steady himself. “Jerk was...botherin'...”

Bucky quickly jumped to conclusions. “Steve, I know you don't like seeing guys disrespect the ladies, but-” he paused and swept a hand over Steve's face. His expression turned into one of disbelief. “You're so _warm_. Are you _sick_?”

Steve sullenly nodded, apprehension already building in his gut.

Bucky's mouth opened and shut a few times. Oh, great. Steve had left his friend at loss for words. He was in trouble for sure.

“ _Steve_ -”

“It's not tha' bad...just a cold...”

Bucky groaned and got to his feet. “Come on, I'm taking you home.” He took hold of one of Steve's ams and tugged him along. Gentle, but insistent.

They stopped by Bucky's shop so he could turn the sign on the door to “closed” and lock up. He then proceeded to berate Steve while they walked back to his apartment.

“Really, Stevie, what were you thinking? You _know_ how bad sick you can get. You _know_ that you need to stay in bed-”

“I jus' wanted some air-”

“And you should have called me and told me to come over! I can always take a few days off to take care of you, baby. Do you really want to make this worse? You know Sarah's not up for looking after you right now. Are you trying to worry us?”

“It isn't that b-”

“And then you go and get in a fight on top of it all! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Do you have any idea how bloody your face is-”

“Stop talking to me like a child!”

“Then stop acting like one!”

Steve huffed and turned his face away. Bucky always got like this when something happened to Steve. Honestly, he didn't need a bodyguard or, or a _nursemaid_. Steve could take care of himself just fine. He didn't need Bucky to worry over every (questionable) decision he made.

They stayed silent until they made it back to Steve's place. They quietly opened the front door and crept inside. Steve was relieved when he heard his mother snoring in her room. Now he wouldn't have to explain what happened.

“Come on, let's get you into bed,” Bucky whispered to him.

Bucky kept his hands on Steve's shoulders as he gently pushed his fiancé towards his room. Steve had begun to feel lightheaded a while ago, so he allowed himself to be steered. He didn't protest when Bucky sat him down on his bed and took off his shoes. Steve managed to shake off his jacket while Bucky removed his tie and pushed down his suspenders.

“Now lay back,” Bucky instructed.

Steve slowly scooted back and happily laid his aching head on his pillow. Another coughing fit chose that moment to come over him. He heard Bucky swear and rush out of the room. Steve hacked and wheezed into his fist. God, this was making it hard to breath, and the movement wasn't helping his head.

He only became aware of Bucky returning when a large hand lifted his head and a glass was placed to his lips. Steve gratefully parted his lips and sipped down the water. He drank most of it before the coughing fit fully subsided.

The light from the window was hurting his eyes. “Can you get th' curtain?”

“Yeah, of course, sweetie.” He heard more than saw Bucky move to do as bidden. He sighed in relief when the light in the room decreased. He opened his eyes to see Bucky looking down at him. His friend's brow was furrowed and his blue eyes were full of worry.

“I'll be fine, Buck.” Steve rubbed at his eyes and yawned.

“Mmhmm, you sure will,” Bucky agreed. He seemed determined about that. He sat down beside Steve and began to rub his arm. “C'mon, just try and relax.”

“Hey, I'm sorry about-”

“Shhhh. Just close your eyes,” Bucky soothed. “I'll be here when you wake up.”

Steve obeyed and quickly fell asleep. 

X

There was only a bit of light in the room when he woke up. He instantly noticed that his head felt significantly better and his nose no longer felt stuffy. His face still felt a bit sore, but also clean. Bucky must have cleaned him up while he slept.

Steve laid still for a few more moments. He still felt weak. Hell, he felt like he could barely lift his arm. The rational part of him knew that he should have just stayed in bed today. But he still didn't regret it, even if he had made himself worse or upset his fiancé. He had just need Peggy to know that he wasn't standing her up. And she had understood. She had smiled and wished him better. She had been concerned about him.

Alright, that's what most people did when their friend was sick, but it still made Steve smile.

His head turned to his door when he heard it slowly creep open. Bucky walked in with a steaming bowl of what was probably soup and more water. His brows raised when he made eye contact with Steve.

“Oh, you're awake!” He sounded surprised. Steve couldn't blame him. Sometimes he would sleep a full day and night when he was really bad. Bucky placed the food down on Steve's small desk and turned on the lamp. Oh good, the bulb was still working. Bucky pulled the chair up to Steve's bed before retrieving the bowl and sitting down.

“I made you some chicken soup,” Bucky stated, looking proud of himself. “I found your ma's recipe card. I made enough for her, too. I hope it tastes alright.”

Steve raised a brow. Bucky cooking? This was new. Neither of them were particularly skilled in the kitchen.

Bucky flicked him on the nose. “Shut up, punk. You need to eat.”

He used one hand to help Steve sit up before lifting the spoon to Steve's lips. The broth was warm and certainly tasted like chicken. It could really have used more salt, though.

“It's great, Buck.”

“Ah, thanks, babydoll.”

Bucky fed him a few more spoonfuls before speaking again. “Look, Stevie, I know I dug into you earlier, but you just really worried me.”

Steve swallowed chewed bits of overcooked poultry and vegetables. “I know. I'm sorry and-”

Bucky shoved the spoon back in. “It's alright, Steve. You don't always think clearly when you're sick. But, sweetheart, I wish you would think about yourself more.” He placed the bowl on the floor and leaned in closer. “I know you know how bad off Sarah is right now. And Stevie, please, I-I can't lose you, too. I love you so _much_. It would kill me if you were gone.”

Steve could see his friend's eyes start to water. Goddamnit, he'd done it again. “Bucky, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I haven't been _really_ sick in awhile.”

Bucky lifted Steve's hand to his mouth and kissed it. “I know, I know. Just, please, promise me you'll take care of yourself.”

Steve looked at his friend earnestly. “I promise, Bucky.”

Bucky smiled softly. “Good.” He kissed Steve's hand again before retrieving the bowl. “You feelin' any better? You were only asleep for a few hours.”

“Yeah, my head feels a lot better,” Steve answered.

“Just your head?” Bucky murmured. “Stay in bed tomorrow, too. I'll come over with some decent food.”

“Bucky, it isn't-”

“No, no. I can close the shop for one day. I want to make sure you're safe.”

“Actually, I was going to say your cooking isn't _that_ bad, but I gotta say that your ma's is a whole lot better.”

“...Cheeky little punk.”

Steve managed to eat a little more than half of the soup before his stomach said no more. He laid back down as Bucky returned the bowl to the kitchen. He felt sleepy again. Bucky was probably right. It always took a few days for him to feel better.

The blond closed his eyes and relaxed. It was always best to let his stomach settle for a few moments. He wondered if Bucky was going to stay over... (of course he was.)

Steve was just beginning to doze when he heard the bed creak. He opened his bleary eyes to see Bucky crouching above him.

“Wha-”

“Shh, Stevie.” Bucky leaned down to give him a quick peck on the lips. “I'm gonna make you feel better.”

Steve stared up at the older man while Bucky's hand rubbed his chest in soothing circles. Yeah, that felt nice. It helped relieve some of the pressure he still felt there.

His breathing sped up when the hand slid down to below his waist. The rest of his fiancé followed it. “Buck-”

“Don't worry, baby. I'm gonna take good care of you,” Bucky promised with a grin. He undid the button and fly on Steve's pants and pulled out his cock.

To say that Steve hadn't been expecting this was an understatement. But it didn't even occur to him to tell Bucky to stop. He didn't _want_ him to stop. Pleasure sounded like just the thing he needed right now. He lifted his head and stared at his friend. 

Bucky licked a stripe up his hand before moving it back to Steve's already hardening cock. Bucky rubbed at the head with his thumb until Steve was fully erect and breathing hard. Steve was already beginning to forget about how weak and sore he still felt.

He watched transfixed as Bucky slowly took his length halfway into his mouth. He quickly pulled back when Steve's breath hitched. Steve almost whined at the loss.

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked. His eyes anxiously bore into Steve's. “I - you know I've never done this before. I don't wanna hurt you.”

“No!” Steve protested. “It felt _good_.”

“...So you want me to keep going?” Bucky asked hesitantly. He looked hopeful. The man always jumped at any opportunity to make Steve happy.

“Oh god, _yes_!”

Bucky grinned. “You could have just said so.” 

He took Steve back into his mouth and slowly lowered his face until his nose was buried in Steve's pubic hair. Steve couldn't hold back a moan when Bucky gave a few experimental licks. His hands clenched tightly in his blanket.

“Mmm, keep doing that, _please_!”

Bucky was happy to oblige. He carefully and clumsily started to bob his head up and down. Steve threw his head back and whimpered and moaned as pleasure went through his body. “Ah, Bucky! Keep going!”

Steve didn't know where Bucky learned to use his tongue like that, but damn - !

It probably didn't take him too long to cum. Somehow he could hear Bucky make a small choking noise over his own shout. 

He watched through hazy eyes as Bucky pulled off of him. There was a bit of drool sliding down his chin. He licked it off before locking eyes with Steve. Bucky must have liked whatever expression the blond had. The man grinned smugly and raised an eyebrow. “How'd I do?”

Steve felt even more sleepy. He gave a happy sigh and laid back again. The orgasm left him feeling sated and relaxed.

He smiled when he felt Bucky climb up the bed and wrap his strong arms around him. “Get some more sleep, honey. I love you.”

Steve snuggled a bit closer to Bucky's warm body before losing consciousness again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, this one turned out kinda long. I didn't originally plan for the blowjob at the end, it just sort of...happened. I had planned for there to be more steggy in this chapter, but...yeah...


	8. Chapter 8

It had been a few days since Steve became sick and he was indeed feeling much better. There was still a slight pressure in his head, but his cough was gone and he no longer felt weak. 

Bucky stayed true to his word and kept his shop closed in order to stay here and nurse Steve, despite the blond's objections. But Bucky had been adamant about making sure Steve was cared for. The man had spent the last four days looking after both Steve and his mother, preparing meals and fetching medicine and keeping them company. And Steve was glad that he was there, he really was. There was no way he could look after Ma by himself while they were both sick. And Bucky was right abut him needing to stay in bed. Of course, Steve already knew that, but he wasn't about to tell his friend the real reason he left the apartment on Wednesday.

He was still feeling guilty about that. Steve had never been a good liar. It was a wonder that Bucky believed him, even if Steve had been ill. It was like there was his regular life with Bucky, and then he had another, smaller life with Peggy. There was Peggy's Steve and Bucky's Steve. But why was he keeping Peggy's part in his life a secret? 

Who was Steve kidding? He knew exactly why. 

He...he _liked_ Peggy. Really, really liked her. Liked her enough to want to take her out and make her laugh and kiss her lips and lie to his soon-to-be husband. 

The worst thing about this was that Steve knew this from the start. He had been instantly attracted to the brunette the moment he laid eyes on her in that bar on his birthday. And maybe it was just wishful thinking on his part, but he was starting to think that maybe she was sweet on him as well. And fuck him if the mere thought of that didn't bring a smile to his face. Steve would sometimes catch himself fantasizing about having a life with her. About marrying _her_.

And that was usually when the crushing guilt came along. _What about Bucky?_ , Steve would always remind himself. He already had someone to marry and start a life with who loved him. So why wasn't that good enough for him?

Steve knew that he should put a stop to this now. The actual chances of him being with Peggy were slim to none, so why keep torturing himself like this? And it wasn't like she knew that he was engaged, either. This wasn't fair to any of them. But, goddamnit, the thought of not seeing her again made him feel worse than any punch or flu ever could.

It was these thoughts that kept him in a bad mood all day. Bucky had been trying his best all day to cheer him. They were currently seated on the couch. The radio was turned on the Dodgers game, but neither of them were paying it much attention. Steve had been doodling in his sketchbook and Bucky had been chatting away about everything from how he needed new shoes to the neighbor's crazy cat to how he missed Sarah's stew and that Steve really needed to learn to make it.

Steve only half listened, occasionally nodding his head. Bucky had apparently noticed this.

“C'mon, Steve, would you at least _look_ at me?” 

Steve sighed and turned his head toward his fiancé. Bucky was looking at him with narrowed eyes. “You've barely said a word to me all day. What's the matter? I thought you said you were feeling better.”

“I am. I just don't really feel like talkin', that's all.”

“You don't feel like talking? A punk like you always has somethin' to say,” Bucky stated, raising a brow.

“Well today I don't.” The temptation to draw Peggy's eyes was strong...

Bucky huffed and put his arm around Steve's shoulders. The blond didn't mind. It felt nice to rest his head on Bucky's shoulder. It was also nice to avoid eye contact. Ever since Bucky decided to surprise him with a cock sucking, the scene kept replaying in Steve's mind. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Sure it felt great, but he felt like he shouldn't have let Bucky do it. What if Bucky wanted more intimacy with him now? Hell, they were going to be married in a few months. Intimacy was going to happen eventually. But everything still felt too damn soon. What was even wrong with him? They've been together five years and he was still-

“Hey, you alright?”

Steve didn't know what expression he had, but it must not have been good. “Nothin'. Just a headache, that's all.”

Bucky placed two fingers under Steve's chin and tilted his face up so that they were looking at each other. “You sure that's all? You can tell me, baby.”

“I'm fine, Buck,” Steve insisted. How long had it been since he last kissed Bucky? It seemed like forever ago.

“But-” Bucky was cut off by Steve's lips pushing against his own. The taller man made a surprised noise. Steve hardly ever initiated anything between them. But he eagerly returned the kiss and placed a hand on the back of the blond's head.

“What's gotten into you?” Bucky asked when they pulled apart for air. His eyes were bright and his smile was teasing.

“I just wanted a kiss,” Steve replied before leaning back in for another. 

The little happy moans Bucky was letting out made him smile. He stuck his tongue in Bucky's mouth when he felt strong hands move to his hips. Steve couldn't help but laugh when Bucky's arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him so that he was now straddling his fiancé. Steve placed his hands on Bucky's shoulders to steady himself. They stayed like that for what seemed a while. Steve found that he had missed Bucky's familiar taste and touch. Being in Bucky's arms made him feel secure and cared for.

They finally pulled apart again and panted heavily and looked into each other's eyes. Steve always liked the way Bucky's cheeks would be flushed after they kissed. 

“Mmm, so I guess you are feeling better,” Bucky said. He pressed a line of small kisses against Steve's jaw.

“Yeah.” Steve ran a hand up and down Bucky's arm.

Bucky's arm tightened around him. “Good. I've been wanting to talk to you about somethin'.”

Steve's heart instantly sank. Did Bucky know about Peggy? Was he going to tell Steve to stop seeing her? What-

Bucky laughed at him. “Hey, calm down. Nothing's wrong.”

“So what is it?” Steve demanded. God, why was he panicking over nothing?

Bucky pursed his lips before speaking. This was obviously something he was nervous to bring up. “Well, I've been thinkin' about how bad off your ma is. And, um, I was thinking that maybe we should change our wedding date. Like, have it earlier than we planned.”

Steve's mind went blank for a moment. Move up their wedding date? Now Steve was panicking again. Their actual wedding still somehow seemed far off. He suddenly felt boxed in, like the room was shrinking around him and the only thing left with him was Bucky. 

Bucky continued, oblivious to Steve's sudden change in mood. “I mean, don't you want to make sure she'll....that she'll live long enough to see it happen. I mean, I don't know if she could really even attend anymore, but at least she'll know.”

He finally seemed to notice how tense Steve had become. “I know this is upsetting, baby, but-”

“I-” Steve started. He couldn't think of anything to say. His mind had gone blank. The only thing he knew at the moment was that he had to get out of this room and away from this situation.

Bucky gripped him even tighter. “Stevie, please, let's talk about this.”

“I-I can't,” Steve muttered. “Not now.” He tried to move off of Bucky's lap. His fiancé held onto him.

“Let me go!”

“Not until you calm down!” Bucky insisted. 

“I said let go!” It took a bit of squirming, but he managed to get off Bucky. He went to gather his jacket and keys the minute his feet hit the floor. Bucky followed.

“Steve, where do you think you're going?” his friend demanded. “It's going to be dark soon.”

“I don't care. I – look, Buck, I just need to be alone for a bit.” Did Steve even bother to comb his hair today? Fuck, he didn't care.

Bucky placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “Baby, I'm sorry if I upset you, but you can't just go running around the neighborhood by yourself at night.”

“The hell I can't.” He shrugged off Bucky's hand.

“Then let me come with you,” Bucky urged. “We don't have to talk if you don't want to but-”

“No, Bucky. I want to be _alone_ ,” Steve insisted. He quickly made his way to the front door. “I'll be back later.” He caught a glimpse of Bucky's upset face as he turned to shut the door behind him. 

X

He really didn't have a destination in mind when he left. Steve figured he could just go for a walk to clear his head. But he somehow ended up outside Peggy Carter's apartment.

Maybe it was a coincidence or maybe his subconscious led him here, he didn't know. Well, no sense in leaving now. Steve hadn't talked to her in days and he was itching to see her again. He only felt a bit nervous as he knocked on her door. Steve had never come here by himself. What if she didn't want him there? What is she was busy? What if she already had company?

He instantly forgot his worries when she opened the door and smiled at the sight of him. “Steve! What brings you here?”

Steve smiled back shyly. “I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by. Do you mind if I come in? I could really use someone to talk to right now.”

She opened the door wider. “Of course, come right in! I just put some tea on.”

Peggy's apartment was small and cozy, perfect for a woman living alone. Her furniture looked old but well cared for. The walls were covered with light paper and the air smelled like tea and some sweet perfume.

“Sit down,” she insisted as she gestured to her couch. “Make yourself comfortable.”

Steve obeyed and sank into her soft couch. It was so much more comfortable than his own. He laid his head back and closed his eyes as Peggy went into the kitchen. The blond hoped that coming here wasn't a mistake, but he was also excited to be in her home.

“Here we are.” Peggy had returned with a tray full of tea paraphernalia. She set it down on the coffee table. “ It's a good thing I went ahead and made a full pot. I wasn't expecting company.” 

“Sorry if I barged in on you. I just-”

“No, no, it's perfectly fine,” she assured him.

She sat next to him and took hold of the teapot. “How do you take yours?” she asked as she filled two cups.

“Um, however you like yours,” Steve replied. “I don't drink much tea.”

“What a shame.”

They both laughed as she finished preparing the cups. Steve gently lifted the small cup to his mouth and took a small sip. He was glad that he didn't drink tea. It tasted like leaves. 

“So I take it you're feeling better, Steve?” Peggy asked after taking her own sip.

“Oh yeah. It was just a cold,” Steve answered nonchalantly. “I'm a lot better now.”

“Well, I'm glad to hear that,” she stated. “Will you be able to come to your lesson tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Definitely.” He smiled at her. “I've, uh, I've missed seeing you.”

Her eyes widened before she relaxed and smiled back. “I've missed you, too, Steve.”

Steve thought that they were having a nice moment. That's probably why Bucky's face suddenly popped up in his thoughts. He couldn't help but flinch. The poor guy was probably worried sick about him.

“Is something wrong?” 

He looked back to Peggy, who looked concerned. Maybe this was an opportunity to finally talk to someone about his problems.

“I was just thinking about a friend,” he told her. The old it's-about-a-friend story. Good move, Rogers. “Her name's Rebecca. She's been having, uh, relationship issues recently and I don't really know what to say to her.”

“Oh? What's wrong?” Peggy asked. She placed her cup back down.

“Well, she's been with this guy for a few years and she really likes him. And they're getting married in a few months, but she's not sure if it's a good idea.”

“I thought you said she _liked_ him. What's the issue?”

“She's not entirely sure. She says she – she just feels trapped. Even though she loves the guy and her mom loves him and he loves her more than anything, she's not really sure it's what she wants. She thinks maybe that she'd like to see someone else but nobody would approve of that. And she doesn't want to hurt the guy at all.”

Peggy bit her lip thoughtfully and hummed. “It seems to me that Rebecca could perhaps use some time apart from her fiancé. At the end of the day, it's her life and she has to do what makes _her_ happy.”

Steve frowned. “I don't think it's that easy.”

“Certainly not! Relationships never are. But it sounds like Rebecca has never been with anyone besides her fellow. Maybe she should take a break from him and get some more life experience. That way it would be easier to find out how she really feels. And if her man really loves her so much, then surely he'll wait for her.”

Steve nodded. “I'll be sure to pass that on to her. I'm sure she'll appreciate the advice.”

“Glad to be of service.” Peggy retrieved her cup. “So, tell me, have you heard about what's happening to the Jews in Germany?”

X

Steve stayed and talked to Peggy for over an hour. He had always figured that she was intelligent, but she had struck up conversations from politics to the state of the world to where her furniture had been specially made for her late grandmother. Peggy payed attention to and cared greatly about the world around her. Steve was impressed. Not only did she care, Peggy was someone who could actually do something about it. Even if she was a woman, Steve just knew that Peggy Carter was someone people would listen to.

Steve wanted to stay longer, but he didn't want her neighbors to start gossiping. Besides, Bucky was probably worried sick by now. Steve hadn't felt bad about storming out until he left Peggy's. Bucky had been trying to talk to him about something serious and Steve had just up and left. How did that make the poor guy feel? But that wasn't a conversation he felt ready for. Yes, he knew that Ma didn't have too much longer, of course he knew that. But...he just didn't want to accept it. Bucky's talk of moving up their wedding suddenly made it more real. 

Steve thought about what Peggy had told him. Could he really “take a break” from Bucky? The blond already knew that Bucky would not be happy with the idea. But like Peggy said, it was _his_ life... but Bucky was his life. At least that's what it seemed like. But wasn't that the problem? Steve didn't know what life without Bucky at the forefront was like. Not that Steve wanted Bucky out of his life completely. He just wanted to know what life would be lie if they never started going steady. Maybe it be better, maybe it would be worse, Steve just didn't know.

He didn't mention his sick mother when asking advice for “Rebecca”. (Peggy didn't seem to suspect him of inventing a friend, but that might have done the trick.) Ma's condition made things more difficult. She had looked forward to his wedding ever since Bucky first put a ring on his finger. Practically shoved it on herself. She loved Bucky like her own. Sarah Rogers had always been confident that her son would be safe and loved and cared for by Bucky Barnes. If Steve broke things off with Bucky, he would be hurting his mother as well. Steve didn't know if Bucky had spoken to her about moving up the wedding, but Steve was sure that she would love the idea.

Even though Steve was nervous about confrontation, he still hurried back home. Despite it being Sunday, many drunks and floozies were out on the streets tonight. And he didn't want to keep his friend waiting for him any longer.

He had only partially opened his front door when it was yanked open and he was pulled inside. Bucky looked both angry and relieved to see him. Steve felt a pang of guilt when he saw that Bucky's eyes were tinged red and his jaw was set. God, he had really done it this time. 

“I'm sorry,” Steve immediately said. And he was. He never wanted to be the person who ran off on people. “I-I was just upset.”

“Yeah,” Bucky practically spat “so was I.”

Steve flinched and looked down. “Look, I don't know what to say. I shouldn't have left. It's just hard to deal with this.”

Bucky regarded him thoughtfully for a few moments. His face remained stern, but his eyes softened. He sighed heavily and squeezed Steve's shoulders. “I know, Steve. But you can't just go and scare me like that. I thought you were going for a short walk. You were gone for nearly two hours. I was worried about you, punk. Just about to call the police and look for you.”

He must have taken longer than he thought. Crap. “Sorry. I must have lost track of time.”

Bucky snorted. “You're probably still sick. Another damn reason you should have stayed here.”

They stayed in a tense silence for a few moments. Bucky was obviously still upset with him. How could he leave his friend to stew in his own juices while he went and had a good time with Peggy?

“Your ma's awake,” Bucky said softly.

“She is?” Steve was a bit shocked. Ma had been sleeping for the good part of the last few days.

“Yeah. I told her you went out to the store for bread. That was about an hour ago. Better tell her there were long lines or somethin'.”

Steve felt even worse now. Ma wanted to see him and he wasn't even there for her. Bucky kept a hand on his shoulder as they walked to her room. Steve knocked softly before coming in. There were two candles on her night stand that provided all the light in the room. His ma was propped up with the newspaper in her hands. Even from the doorway, Steve could tell that her eyes weren't entirely focused.

His swallowed before speaking. “Ma? It's Steve.”

“I know, dear.” Her voice sounded so thin and weak. He wanted to sit by her bedside, but she stopped him after a few steps. “Don't come too, close, Stevie. It's not safe.”

His heart ached at the words, but he obeyed. “How are you feeling?” He didn't really want the answer.

“The same as I've been feeling the past few weeks,” she answered. There was only acceptance in her voice. “Sweetheart, I've been talking to Bucky about some things-” oh no here it was “and he thinks that you should have your wedding earlier for me. Now, while that would be lovely, I know that these things take time and I don't want you to do anything you don't want to-”

Steve could feel his heart break. “No, Ma, it's alright,” he insisted. “We can move it up. It's no trouble at all. Right, Bucky?”

Even without looking, he could tell Bucky was surprised by his change in attitude. “I was talking to Father Samuels. He said that the closest time he could do it is in two or three weeks.”

Sarah smiled brightly. “That sounds wonderful! You two are going to be so happy together, I just know it! And, Stevie, you'll look so handsome in that suit I made you, and-” she was cut off by a round of coughing.

“Ma!” Steve tried to run to her side, but his fiancé held him back.

“Steve, get out of here,” Bucky ordered. “We don't want you sick, too. I'lll take care of everything.”

“But-”

“ _Go_.”

Steve turned on his heel and swiftly returned to his own room. He resisted the urge to slam the door. He knew that he had no reason to be angry, they were just trying to protect him. But it was all so _frustrating_. He should be taking care of his mother, not Bucky.

Steve sighed and sat on his bed and replayed their conversation over in his head. Well, he had gone and agreed to the thing he had been trying to get out of. Now he had even less time to figure out his and Bucky's relationship. But with his ma in such bad shape, maybe it was time he just accepted it. Maybe Bucky was just his fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Steve's certainly stuck between a rock and a hard place.


	9. Chapter 9

Steve remembered the night this whole mess started. The night Bucky proposed to him.

They had graduated from high school just a few days prior and were still celebrating.

“Just think, Stevie,” Bucky kept saying. “No more having to get up early or study or write book reports or any of that.”

Steve would look up from his sketchpad or newspaper and smile and nod. “I know. It's great. Now I can actually get a full time job.”

Bucky would frown or raise a brow. “Is that all you can think about? Working? We just got out of school. Relax for a bit.”

“You know that me and Ma could always use more money, Buck.”

“You're no fun, Rogers.”

“And yet here you are.”

Bucky was enjoying the free time. He had worked at his family's shop during the evenings for a few years now. He was now spending his mornings with Steve. They had been alternating between each other homes and running errands and doing chores together. Somehow getting groceries and buying new pastels and washing dishes was better when Bucky was doing it with him. Steve had to say, this new routine sure was better than doing math drills.

They had decided to go to Central Park on that particular morning. The late spring air was warm and all the plants were in bloom. (“Pretty romantic, huh, babydoll?” “Shut up, Bucky.”)

They held hands and walked the pathways. Steve listened to the tune Bucky was whistling and enjoyed looking at all the trees and flowers.

They had circled the park halfway when they passed another couple. Two ladies, holding hands like they were. They were whispering to each other and giggling.

“They sure looked happy,” Bucky commented when the ladies were out of earshot. “I wonder how long they've been married.”

“How do you know they're married?” Steve asked. He would have thought that they were around his and Bucky's age. A bit too young for marriage, in his opinion.

“Didn't you see the rocks on their fingers? Must have cost a fortune.” Something about Bucky's tone seemed odd.

“Maybe they're newlyweds,” Steve mused. “They looked happy.”

“They sure did.” 

They were quiet for a few moments. “Say, Steve, do you have any plans for the future? I know you're wantin' to work, but what else?”

Steve shrugged. “I don't really know. I don't guess there's a whole lot I can do right now. I mean, I'm fine with the way things are. Though I was thinkin' about taking some art classes when I save enough money.”

Bucky pursed his lips. “Alright, but what about, you know, us?”

“...What do you mean?”

“I mean, what are we going to do now? We're adults. We have our entire lives ahead of us.”

Steve wasn't sure where Bucky was going with this. “I know.”

Bucky gripped his hand tighter. “What I'm trying to say is, do you see me in your future?”

“Of course I do!” Steve replied. “I can't imagine a future without you in it.” And he really couldn't. Bucky had always been there, and Steve had never even thought of a life without him.

That seemed to be the response Bucky was hoping for. The taller boy smiled brightly at him. “Same here, sweetie.”

Steve didn't think about the conversation again until later, when everything was said and done. It didn't seem odd. They were young. Of course they were going to discuss the future. 

He and Bucky enjoyed the rest of their time in the park before heading back to Bucky's place. Mrs. Barnes had gone to visit friends and Rebecca was sitting in the living room reading.

“Looks like someone is still stuck with homework,” Bucky had teased when they walked in.

“I happen to _like_ reading, _James_ ,” she had shot back. She smiled when she caught Steve's eye. “Oh hi, Steve.”

Steve chuckled. Their little pretend spats always amused him. “Hi there, Becky. How are you?”

“As good as someone stuck with this idiot for a brother can be,” Becky replied.

“You poor soul,” Steve said with faux sympathy. “Having to live with him must be terrible.”

“You have no idea.”

“Hey now,” Bucky interjected. “Don't knock it 'til you try it, Stevie.”

Steve and Becky laughed, even though Bucky sounded serious.

“So what are you guys up to?” Becky asked. She placed her book down beside her.

“Not much,” Bucky replied. “Me and Steve are just enjoying each other's company.” He playfully ran a hand through Steve's hair, which the blond swatted away.

“Knock it off, jerk.”

“Are you staying for dinner, Steve?” Becky asked. “I don't think Bucky has to work today.”

“Sorry, but we're eating at my house tonight,” Steve answered. “My ma managed to get a hold of a good piece of meat that she wants to cook.”

“Aw, that's too bad. It's like I hardly get to see you anymore.” She had the same pout as her brother. “This idiot is taking up too much of your time.”

“I don't like it when you two are together,” Bucky snipped. “You keep gangin' up on me. And get your own man, Rebecca.”

They left Becky to her book and went up to Bucky's room for awhile. Steve had left behind a drawing the last time he was here and wanted to finish it, but Bucky had other plans. Steve found himself on his back on Bucky's bed. His boyfriend climbed on top of him and kissed all over his face and neck. Steve's hands were pinned above his head. Bucky was a comfortable weight on top of him. Steve hummed happily and shut his eyes, enjoying the touches.

“Open your eyes, baby,” Bucky said in his ear. “Lemme see those baby blues.”

Steve complied and took hold of Bucky's face before kissing him. He liked taking control of their kisses. Bucky seemed to like it, too. 

So he was surprised when Bucky rolled off of him. The taller boy didn't go far, opting to lay on his side and prop himself up on his elbow. He smiled down at Steve.

Steve raised a brow. “What'd you stop for?”

Bucky shrugged. “Just wanted to look at you for a bit.”

Steve gave him a playful shove. “You're just being ridiculous now.”

Bucky took hold of his hand. “Y'know, Stevie, despite what my sister says, I'm really not that bad to live with.”

“I'm sure.”

“No, really! I can do the dishes and take out the trash and do my own laundry. And I haven't put a frog in anybody's bed since I was nine.”

“Oh yeah. You sound like the perfect roommate.”

Bucky buried his face in Steve's neck. His “you betcha” came out muffled.

X

They must have fallen asleep, since the next thing Steve heard was a knocking at the door. Bucky reluctantly got up to answer it.

It was Becky. “Hey, it's starting to get late. I figured you guys should start heading back to Steve's.”

Steve rubbed at his eyes and looked out the window. It was almost sundown. “Oh crap! We better go, Bucky.”

“Yeah,” his friend agreed. “Thanks a bunch, sis.”

“No problem.”

They smoothed out their clothes and hair before rushing out the door. If Mrs. Barnes had come home by then, she didn't have a chance to talk to them. They were halfway to Steve's apartment when he realized he forgot his drawing again. 

Steve was afraid that Ma would be angry at them for being so late, but she greeted them at the door with a smile on her face. “It's about you boys got here. Come on in. Dinner's almost ready.”

The house smelled heavily of roasted meat. It made Steve's mouth water. “It smells great, Ma.”

He and Bucky sat at he small table in the kitchen while Sarah finished up. Bucky kept making kissing motions at him and batting his eyelids. Steve grinned and shook his head. Sarah watched them from the corner of her eye and chuckled. “Oh, you kids.”

After a few more minutes, she put down a plate full of roast beef and vegetables on the table. “Help yourselves, boys. It should be good and tender.”

Their eyes widened at the sight. “Wow, this really look great, Sarah,” Bucky said.

“Yeah, you've really outdone yourself,” Steve added.

“Oh, you two hush and eat while it's still hot,” she said with a giggle. She seemed to be in a good mood tonight. She was usually dead tired and sometimes grouchy when she came off a long shift.

“Yes, ma'am.”

It was the best meal that Steve had had in awhile. Bucky insisted on Steve and Sarah getting their portions first. They both wanted Steve to eat plenty of the meat. (“You need to keep your strength up,” his mother reminded him.) They chatted about their days as they ate. Sarah told them about a particularly unruly patient at the hospital who kept knocking over his bedpan. She enjoyed hearing about their time in the park.

“We can take care of the dishes, Ma,” Steve said after they were finished.

“You sure, dear?”

“No trouble at all,” Bucky assured her. “Go relax in the living room. I'm sure your feet are killing you.”

“You two are so sweet.” She gave them each a kiss on the forehead before leaving the kitchen.

They made quick work of cleaning up. Bucky washed and Steve dried. It was how they'd been doing it lately. They stayed in a comfortable silence until the chore was finished.

Bucky cleared his throat. “So, um, Stevie, there was something I wanted to say to you.”

Steve dried his hands on the towel. “What is it, Buck?”

His friend looked nervous. What was going on? “Well...damn, I don't know where to start,” the taller boy chuckled. “Remember what we talked about earlier? About wanting to be in each other's lives always?”

“Um, yes?” Why did he suddenly feel apprehensive?

Steve was surprised when Bucky took hold of his hands and smiled down at him. “Steve, I love you. I really, truly do. Have for as long as I can remember. You're the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night, and then you're in my dreams. I want nothing more to be with you and take care of you for the rest of our lives. I don't ever want to be without you.” Bucky dropped down to one knee and reached into his pocket with his right hand. He pulled out a shiny gold ring. “Steve Rogers, will you marry me?”

“Oh god, Bucky, I-” Steve was shocked still. Where the hell had this come from? He and Bucky were happy together, sure, but getting _married_? Steve suddenly understood his friend's and his mother's strange behavior. Bucky had been talking more and more about the future recently. How long had be been planning this? And he'd probably already talked to Ma about this. No wonder the woman had been smiling and giggling all evening. Great, she must have given Bucky her blessing.

Steve knew that he had to say something fast. Alright, alright. He just didn't know how to answer. But Bucky was looking up at him looking so damn hopeful... “Yes,” he heard himself say, “I will.”

Bucky let out a delighted cry and slipped the ring onto Steve's finger before standing and embracing the blond. “Oh, Steve. Stevie, Steve, Steve. Sweetheart. You just made me so happy. I love you so much. We're gonna be so happy together, I just know it!” His eyes started to look wet.

Sarah chose that moment to reappear. “He said yes!” Bucky happily told her. So they _had_ been talking about this.

She smiled and came over to join their embrace. “Oh, that's wonderful news! I've been waiting years for this to happen.”

“What?”

“Oh, darling, it's always been obvious that you two are meant to be!” his ma told him with a wink. “I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have you with.” She took hold of his hand to look at the ring.

“Me either,” Bucky chimed, getting a laugh out of both Rogers.

Steve had an odd feeling in his stomach, but surely it was just excitement? Marrying Bucky couldn't be a bad thing. He knew that his now-fiancé loved him. He wouldn't have just proposed if he didn't. But...Steve wasn't sure if he loved Bucky as much. Well, he did care for him, but forever was a long time.

His mother was bringing out a bottle of wine. Steve decided he wouldn't think about his feelings anymore tonight. He just wanted to celebrate and be happy with the two people he loved most in the world. Saying yes to Bucky made both his friend and his mother happy, and that's all that mattered to him at the moment.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up where chapter 8 ended.

Steve had been laying on his bed in the dark when Bucky came in his room. The only light was coming in from the window. It was enough for the blond to make out his fiancé's face and figure. He looked concerned.

Bucky walked over to him. “Hey, baby,” he said softly “how you holding up?”

Steve merely shrugged. He felt horrible and Bucky probably knew that already. He could still hear Ma coughing from her room.

He scooted back on the bed to give Bucky enough space to lay down beside him and let the taller man hold him. He pressed his cheek against Bucky's chest.

Bucky placed a kiss on the top of his head. “She's gonna be alright, Stevie.”

He let out a humorless chuckle. “We both know that's not true, Buck.”

Bucky pressed up even closer. “...I know. But she's not going anywhere anytime soon, baby. She's a fighter just like you.”

Steve shut his eyes. “Sometimes that's just not enough.”

“Baby-” Bucky started. 

“Bucky, _please_.” Steve didn't want to cry. Not when Ma could hear him do it through their thin walls. “I-I just can't-”

“Shhh. I'm sorry, Steve,” his friend whispered. “I'm right here for you. Always. It'll get better.”

The blond sighed and buried his face in Bucky's neck. He tried to think of something else. Something happy and positive. Of course, Peggy's face came to mind. Steve felt like the sound of her voice could make him feel better right now. She could talk to him about England or Hitler or her favorite thing to eat for breakfast. Anything to take his mind off his mother.

Bucky squeezed him around the middle. Bucky, who actually was here with him. Bucky, who he would be marrying in a couple of weeks.

“Hey,” Steve said, his voice sounding odd to his own ears. “Did we ever talk about last names?”

“Huh?”

“So are we both keeping are own names after the wedding or do you want me to take yours? Or you take mine?” Steve wasn't sure where this was coming from, but he needed some sort of distraction from his mother's coughing. This fit sounded bad.

“Steve, we don't have to talk about this now-”

“No, no. I want to,” he insisted. “So do you want to be Bucky Rogers or should I be Steve Barnes?” He could feel himself start to shake.

“Stevie -”

“What do you think?”

Bucky was silent for a bit. He started to rub Steve's back. “...I, um, I always thought you could just add my name onto yours. Steve Rogers-Barnes. I know I never asked you about it, but I just thought it sounded nice.”

“Yeah,” Steve breathed. “It does.”

“Hey, we can talk about this stuff later,” Bucky told him. “Let's just get some sleep.”

Steve wasn't sure that he could. He flinched when his ma let out a particularly painful sounding hack. He wouldn't be surprised if they found one of her lungs on the floor tomorrow at this rate. Bucky placed his mouth against Steve's ear and began to hum. It wasn't a melody Steve recognized, but it was slow and soothing and helped block out the noise. He reached for Bucky's hand and held it tightly until he fell asleep.

X

His ma had to be taken to the hospital the next day.

“She's just too sick, Stevie,” Bucky said as they watched an ambulance take her away. His large hands were squeezing Steve's shoulders, a poor attempt at comfort. They were both tearing up. Sarah hardly resembled the woman she was a few months ago. She looked to be at death's door – which she was.

“I know,” Steve choked. God, this memory was going to stick with him forever. He suddenly recalled a moment from when he was a child. His ma had looked so young and beautiful and was making him and Bucky lemonade. She had a smile that could light up all of New York, Steve used to think.

The paramedics said that they weren't allowed to visit until his ma was settled in the TB ward, which could take a few hours. And even then, it would most likely only be Bucky seeing her. They kept visitors at a minimum to prevent the disease from spreading. There was no way they would want someone with an immune system like Steve's in there.

He let Bucky guide him back inside and sit him down at the table. He watched through bleary eyes as Bucky prepared some runny porridge and served them each a bowl.

“You need to eat, baby,” Bucky said softly.

Steve's stomach was all in knots but he managed to force a few tasteless spoonfuls down. Bucky ate about as he did. “I really am a shit cook, ain't I?” The taller man's smile was twisted by his quivering lips.

Steve sighed. “Why don't you go back home for awhile, Buck? You've been here the past few days, I'm sure your family has been missing you.”

Bucky's eyes widened. “They'll be fine. I need to stay here with you, Steve.”

“Bucky, I just want to be alone right now,” Steve insisted. 

His friend was looking worried now. “Sweetheart, I really don't think that's a good idea.”

Steve's jaw clenched. Would Bucky just listen to him for once? “Look, Bucky, you know what your mother is? _Healthy_. Up and living her life. Mine isn't. Maybe you should go and enjoy that while you still can.”

“Stevie-”

“Please, just go,” Steve pleaded. Bucky's eyes were starting to water again. Steve didn't want to hurt him, and he knew bringing up his future mother-in-law's mortality was a low blow, but he just needed solitude more than anything at the moment. “We can meet up again later.”

Bucky still looked unconvinced, but he gave in. “Alright, if that's what you really want.” He stood and kissed Steve's forehead. “I'll be back around five. We can get dinner and then go see your ma. That sound good? I love you.”

Steve stared at the table and listened as Bucky left the apartment and started his car outside. He counted to one hundred in his head before laying it down on the cool wood. So, this was it. His ma could die any day now. Steve knew this moment had been coming ever since she was first diagnosed, but it was really hitting him now. He was alone now, just like he wanted. Should he cry? He certainly felt like it. But the blond couldn't seem to bring himself to. Ma always said that there was very little in this world worth crying over, her included. 

Steve had never been much of a crier, anyway. Years of dealing with bullies and sickness and made him stern. Maybe after this was over he would shed some tears.

He glanced at his cheap watch. There were still two hours before he had to go and meet Peggy for his dance lesson. Steve knew that it wasn't appropriate to go. He should be sitting right here and getting a head start on mourning. But that just wasn't something Steve Rogers would do. Ma wouldn't want him to sit around all day. Besides, could really use the distraction.

But there was still time before that. Steve dealt with his emotions the best way he knew how. He grabbed his sketchpad and his best pencils and drew his heart out. He filled the rest of the book up with pictures of his mother. He drew his ma the way she was in his best memories. Young and full of life. Older and with crows feet around her eyes. Her kind smile. Her hair curled in the latest style. In her nurse uniform. In a dancing dress she used to have.

Steve thought about the lessons she taught him over his life. To always stand up for what was right, even if he ended up getting hurt. To follow through with things and be aware of the world around him. To be polite and respectful to everyone that deserved it, especially the ladies. To look after and be there for the people he loved. It was just a shame she didn't pass on her cooking skills.

Despite his best efforts, over half the pages ended up with tear stains.

X

Peggy could tell something was wrong the moment he walked in. “What happened?” she demanded after she got a good look at his face.

“Look, can I tell you later?” Steve pleaded. He didn't want to talk about this right off the bat. “I-I would really like to have my lesson right now.”

She frowned at him. “Alright, but something is wrong and you're going to tell me all about it, Mr. Rogers.”

He smiled weakly. “Sure thing, ma'am. So what are we doing today?”

“Why don't we review some?” she suggested. “It's been over a week since we've been here. I trust you remember how to waltz?”

“Sure do.”

It felt amazing to dance with Peggy again. Steve had missed the smoothness of her hands and the curve of her smile. His feet thankfully remembered the steps he had learned. Steve didn't want to seem like a poor student to her. He focused entirely on doing the waltz. It was really a simple dance after he got the hang of it. And Peggy was such a great dancer, it made it even easier.

Peggy seemed to realize that he wanted to put off talking. She let them finish the waltz then a foxtrot and then the waltz again. Steve was starting to sweat. God, he hoped he wasn't smelly.

“How about we learn the Lindy Hop next?” Peggy proposed when they stopped to rest. “It's far more fun than these ballroom dances, in my opinion.”

Steve was out of breath at this point. “Maybe next time, Peggy,” he panted. “I think I'm done for the day. You've worn me out.”

She grinned at him. But it soon turned into a worried frown. Steve braced himself for the inevitable questions. One hand hand, he wanted to tell her everything. On the other, he didn't want to speak to anybody.

She always could surprise him, though. “What do you say we get a drink?” she offered. “It's not too early in the day. And you look like you could use a cold one.”

“I gotta say, that sounds great.”

They went to the bar a few buildings down. It was only half full. The other customers were comprised mainly of drunks and a few young couples. Steve let Peggy order them two beers and lead him to a table. She slid Steve's drink in front of him.

“Drink up,” she instructed.

He was more than glad to obey. The cold beer was refreshing, and it always got him talking.

“It's my mother,” he blurted out after downing half the pint. “She's in the hospital. She's dying.”

“Oh god,” Peggy murmured. “I'm so sorry, Steve. How much longer does she have?”

Steve shrugged. “I don't know,” he admitted. “Probably not too much longer.” He took another long swig of beer. “I've never been without her. It's just – it feels like the walls are closing in around me, y'know? I don't know what I'm going to do next. I've been living the same way all my life and I don't know how to deal with it changing.”

Peggy looked at her own drink thoughtfully. “When my grandmother died,” she said “I was very sad. She had been such a big part of my life and it felt like there was a gap when she was gone. After her funeral, I spent some time going through her things and just thinking about her. She left me most of it in her will.”

“You two must have been close,” Steve commented.

“We were.” Peggy took a sip. “But, after some time had passed, things got easier. I was able to look at the furniture she gave me without tearing up. I could go a whole day without feeling sad. And I'll tell you something. It was almost like starting my life over after she was gone. I was able to do all the things she disapproved of.”

“Like what?” 

“Well, I do have a few hobbies that some would consider 'unladylike',” she told him. “But what I'm saying, Steve, is that your life isn't over. If you wanted to, you could reinvent yourself. Do what you've always wanted you to, be who you always wanted to be. I'm sure that's what your poor mother would want.”

Steve looked back down at his near empty pint. “Maybe.” He was sure that Ma wanted him to be happy, but she was determined that the path he was on was the right one for him. “I'm going to visit her tonight. Or at least try to. They might not let me in the sick ward.”

“I'm sorry, Steve. I'm sure that she would love to see you.” She gently took hold of his hand and gave it a small squeeze.

He felt his heart skip a beat. “It's alright. She's been sleeping a lot recently anyway.”

She gave him a kind smile. “Maybe I'll drop by sometime and see her with you.”

“No, Peggy, please,” he begged. “I wouldn't want you to get sick.”

“Perhaps I'll send flowers, then.”

“That would be great.”


	11. Chapter 11

Steve kept thinking about the advice Peggy gave him. Reinvent himself, huh? That sounded easier said than done. He had always been skinny Steve Rogers who kept to himself and was dating Bucky Barnes and had practically no friends. It felt like that was all he would ever be. How could he possibly change any of that? The only difference his mother's death would make in his life would be that he didn't have a mother anymore. And it wasn't like she was going to leave him any grand inheritance that he could live off of while he pursued his dreams. No, he was going to have to most likely depend on Bucky. He was sure that once they were married, Bucky wouldn't hear of him working the little odd jobs he usually took to get by. But, damn it, Steve could take care of himself, even if his life wasn't so glamorous. 

Knowing all of this didn't stop him from wondering “what if”, though. What if he could somehow get a decent job and get out of the poor house by himself and get a pretty dame?

Steve had to admit that, despite some of his daydreams, he didn't know everything about Peggy. But that was alright. Getting to really know each other was part of the fun of good relationships, right? He felt like he was betraying Bucky by just thinking about running off with her. They weren't married _yet_. Steve should be allowed to spend the last of his free days to fantasize about a wonderful woman. The most wonderful woman he'd ever known. Far more than he deserved. 

He would often pause in whatever he was doing and wonder what a life with her would be like. Would they stay in New York City or would she want to go back to England or the countryside? Steve wouldn't even try and stop her from working. Peggy Carter would be a gift to whatever business she worked for. Steve would use her as a model whenever he got the chance. There would be pictures of her hanging all over wherever they lived. She would have to do the cooking since he didn't want to poison her with his own, but he would always be happy to clean the dishes. They could go out dancing or just stay home and listen to the radio. As long as he was with her, Steve thought that he could be happy.

He was doing this so much that Bucky was beginning to worry about him. Of course, his fiancé thought that Steve was just worrying about his mother, which Steve was actually trying _not_ to think about.

They were currently at the hospital. Ma had been here for four days now and showed no signs of recovery. Not that Steve had expected her to, but it was nice to hope. Bucky had been allowed to see her for five minutes. Steve was envious, but he understood why he wasn't permitted to visit too. Bucky had squeezed his shoulder and gave a sympathetic look before going into the TB ward. Steve was sitting outside on a hard chair.

He was familiar with this place. A life time full of sickness and broken bones had brought him here many times. He knew most of the nurses by name. If they hadn't treated him at some point, they were his mother's friends. Steve spotted one he knew was named Mildred down the hallway. He wondered if he would be able to catch her eye. Probably not. She and the rest of the nurses looked busy. Steve wouldn't want to take them away from their patients, anyway.

Bucky came out of the ward in what seemed like no time, his face grim. The taller man walked straight to Steve and leaned down to hug him. 

“How bad is she now?” Steve whispered.

“Oh, baby,” Bucky murmured. “She was only awake for a couple of minutes. But she said to tell you she loves you.”

Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Alright.”

Bucky pulled away so he could stand up. Steve let Bucky take him by the hand and lead him away. Steve couldn't help but feel like he was leaving Ma behind. Even if she was sick and asleep, he didn't want to leave her by herself.

“There was a vase of orange flowers by her bedside,” Bucky said. “They really brightened up the room.”

“Who sent them?” Steve asked. He likely already knew who.

Bucky shrugged. “I don't know. At first I thought it was my ma or Becky, but there was a tag with it that just said 'P'. Maybe it's from one of her friends?”

“Maybe.” Steve resisted the urge to smile. So Peggy had sent his mother flowers after all.

Bucky hailed them a cab when they got outside. His mother had needed their car to run errands. They had decided to let her and Becky handle the details of the wedding. All Steve and Bucky had to do was show up. _If_ he showed up, Steve couldn't help but think.

Bucky gave the driver direction's to his home. “Ma and Becky are both meeting their friends for lunch, but Ma said she left us something to heat up.”

“Sounds great.” Steve didn't have much of an appetite this past week, but Bucky had been making sure he ate.

Steve became increasingly more nervous as they left the cab and Bucky unlocked his front door. Did he even dare to speak what was really on his mind? If he got married next week, any chance he had with Peggy would be gone. But he still didn't know for a fact that she was interested in him. Really, a gal like her could do better. Steve still wanted to try though.

He followed Bucky into the kitchen and sat at the table. Bucky picked up a folded note on the stove. “She says there's some sandwiches in he cupboard. We just gotta unwrap them.”

Steve watched his friend do that and nervously pushed his fingers together. Bucky was his fiancé. Had been for four years. Been his friend their entire lives. Could Steve really toss him aside for some girl? No, not some girl. For Peggy. Steve just hoped that Bucky would forgive him.

“Aren't you going to eat, Stevie?”

Steve hadn't even noticed that a plate of food had been placed in front of him. Bucky was already halfway done with his own sandwich. “It really good, baby. Ma got that cheese you like.”

Steve took three small bites before putting it back down. He couldn't taste any of it. “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something, Buck.”

Bucky swallowed the last of his lunch. “What is it, doll?”

It was now or never. “Well, it's about the wedding...” Damn, how was he going to say this?

Bucky raised a brow. “You'd probably be better off talking to Ma about that stuff, Steve. I don't know what kind of flowers she's getting or anything.”

Damn it. “No, it's really about... _us_.”

“What about us?” Bucky's expression was nothing but curious. Steve was going to hate taking it away.

Steve took a deep breath. “It's just...I'm not sure this is a good idea.”

Bucky looked even more confused. “What do you mean, Steve?”

“Look, Buck, I just don't think getting married right now is a good idea,” he blurted out. “It's not – _we're_ not -”

His friend was looking at him with concern. “Is this about your ma, Stevie?”

How was he going to get his point across to Bucky? Steve knew that he would have to flat out say he didn't want to marry Bucky. No, it wasn't going to be easy, and he could have picked a better place than Bucky's to do this, but this needed to come out now. 

Bucky didn't give him a chance. He stood from his seat and walked over to wrap his arms around Steve. “Oh, baby, it gonna be alright,” he breathed into the blond's ear. “I know you're worried about her, but we have a set date now. We need to keep it. It's what she would want.”

“That's not-” 

The front door opened. “I'm home!” Becky's voice rang out.

“We're in the kitchen!” Bucky called. 

And just like that, Steve's chance was gone. He wasn't going to make Becky watch when he broke her brother's heart. Becky came strolling in with a shopping bag and a bright smile. She placed the bag on the table and gave them both a quick kiss.

“I was hoping you two would be here,” she said. “I know you said you didn't care, but Ma and I want to know what you think about-”

Steve tuned her out. He became lost in his own thoughts and absently watched as Becky waved different colored fabrics around and nodded when Bucky did. He was running out of time. If he didn't tell Bucky what he was feeling soon, he would have a wedding ring on his finger before he knew it. At the very least, Steve wanted more time before he had to walk down the aisle. He would have to try again tomorrow. Maybe he could get Bucky to listen then.

X

Sarah Rogers died five days after she was admitted to the hospital. She went peacefully, is what the nurses told him. She had woken up early that morning and denied food and drink. She smiled at the faces she recognized and then fell asleep. She never woke back up. Someone had the good sense to call the priest when her breathing slowed.

It was two days later, and her funeral was being held. They couldn't afford anything grand, but they were able to get her a box and her friends and coworkers all brought flowers. The service was being held in the small church they had often visited. 

The days had passed by in a haze for Steve. He was able to answer simple questions like which dress would his mother want to be buried in and yes, of course Steve knew she had loved him. He would get dressed in the morning and eat whatever food was placed in front of him. He would sit still and nod absently whenever Bucky or whoever would hold him and try and say comforting words. Really, he just wanted to be alone.

It took some convincing, but he had convinced Bucky to take him back to his apartment after the last hospital visit. It took even more convincing to get Bucky to leave him there.

“Come on, Stevie,” Bucky had said. “You shouldn't be here by yourself. Let me stay. We can put the couch cushions on the floor like when we were kids. Stay up and tell each other stories and all that.”

“Sorry, Buck,” Steve had answered. “I just need to be alone right now.” 

His friend looked unhappy, but he conceded. He let Bucky give him a goodbye kiss before entering his apartment. Right away, he could feel a difference in it. There was no scent of sickness or blood. There was no sound of coughing in the air. There was no smell of dinner cooking or Ma's favorite perfume. No sound of her humming hymns under her breath and her favorite radio program. No smile to greet him when he walked in.

Steve went to his bedroom and sank down on his creaky bed. He cried. He curled up into a ball and buried his head in his pillow and cried like he had never cried before. He sobbed until his chest hurt and he couldn't breath and it was dark outside. He thought about all the good times he had with his mother. Before she got sick. That's how he wanted to remember her. Not pale and thin and dead.

What was he going to do now? It suddenly hit him hard that all he had now was Bucky. Steve already knew this was going to happen, but it was much more real now. Bucky would be the best person to get him through this. His fiancé loved his ma just as much as he did. And now she was never going to see him get married to anyone. He almost wished that he had married Bucky right after he proposed, just so she would be able to see their life together. He wandered around their home, touching everything and remembering the times she used that or that appliance or sat on the couch or swept the floor. Steve didn't dare go into her bedroom, how ever much he wanted to. It was seemed like too much. And a voice in the back of his head (that sounded a lot like Bucky) said that there was still a chance that he could get sick.

The church felt strangely cold for a summer's day. Steve was seated in the front next to the Barnes family. They were wearing dark clothing while Steve wore his best clothing. He figured that's what Ma would have wanted. He rested his head on Bucky's shoulder throughout the service. Steve listened to the priest's words and and got one last look at his ma before they closed the casket. He shook hands with her friends and accepted their condolences. 

They rode to the cemetery in silence. Steve felt almost wooden as the priest said his final words and her coffin was lowered into to the ground. He tossed a white rose that he had bought earlier into the hole. They stayed and watched until the hole was refilled with dirt and the headstone was in place. Becky put a bouquet of lilies on top of the new grave.

“I'm so sorry, Steve,” Mrs. Barnes told him for the umpteenth time. She took hold of his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Thanks,” Steve replied. “But it's alright. She's with dad now.” That's what he'd been telling himself since yesterday. Steve had never known his father, but ma always spoke fondly of him.

“Of course she is,” Mrs. Barnes soothed. She felt so sorry for this poor boy. Despite what James thought, they were still only children. To lose his mother now must be devastating. “Why don't you come home with us, dear? Being alone in that small apartment of yours can't be good.”

What had Bucky been telling her about his recent behavior? “I'm sorry, but I just need some time to myself right now.”

Bucky placed a hand on his shoulder. “Steve -”

Steve placed his hand over Bucky's. “I just need some time to think,” Steve explained. “I'll meet up with you later. Please?”

“Of course,” Mrs. Barnes answered. Bucky shot her a look. “Do you need a ride anywhere?”

“That's alright,” he answered. “I'll just walk.”

He squeezed Bucky's hand before turning to the cemetery gates. He allowed himself a small grin when he heard Mrs. Barnes berating her son for not giving Steve enough space. God, he loved that woman.

Steve wasn't exactly sure where he was going, but he knew he wasn't going back home. Not just yet. He instead made his way downtown. The blond didn't have a destination in mind when he set out, he really didn't, but he ended up in some small park. It was still early so there weren't too many people out. Steve walked until he found a secluded bench to sit on. It was hard and and overly warm in the summer heat, but he didn't care. He would sit here until his back ached and the heat made his brain boil.

“Steve!” came a surprised voice from nearby.

He looked up in surprise. “Peggy?”

The woman he adored was standing a few feet away. She hurried over when he said her name. “I was hoping that I would see you today,” Peggy told him. “I saw your mother's obituary in the paper. I wanted to go to the funeral, but I didn't know where it was being held.

Steve smiled the best he could. “That's alright, Peg. It's the thought that counts.”

She sat next to him. Steve hesitantly held out his hand and was so glad when she took it. “Ma got the flowers you sent. Thank you for that.”

“It was no trouble,” she assured him. “I wish I could have met your mother. I'm sure she was a wonderful woman.”

“She was.”

They sat in silence for awhile. Steve took comfort in Peggy's presence. Her just being there made him feel peaceful. His insides warmed pleasantly when she stroked his hand with her thumb.

“I don't really know what to do now,” he murmured. “Now that she's gone. I mean, I've tried to imagine what life will be like now, but I can't. Anything could happen.”

“I was wanting to talk to you about that, Steve,” Peggy said. “I accepted a job offer in New Jersey.”

Steve's heart sank. “So you're leaving New York?”

“Yes,” she affirmed. “And I was wondering if you'd like to come with me.”

“Really?” Steve immediately asked. “You want me to come with you?”

She smiled at him. “Yes, Steve. I've...really come to like you. I know it's a lot to ask, but I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have with me.”

He could tell that he was grinning like a fool. “I really like you too, Peggy.”

There faces were getting closer by the second. Steve could smell her warm breath and-

“ _What the hell?_ ”

Steve's head whipped around. Standing in front of them was a very shocked looking Bucky.


	12. Chapter 12

Bucky's eyes flickered from Steve's face to Peggy's. “Steve, what are you doing?” he demanded. “Who's she?”

Steve was at a loss for words. The last thing he expected was his fiancé to appear out of nowhere. How had his friend even found him here? 

“What are you doing here, Buck?” Steve knew he was about to be in a world of trouble, but that didn't mean that he couldn't feel indignant about not receiving the space he was promised.

“I was worried about you,” Bucky answered. “I wanted to make sure you're alright.” He glared at Peggy. “I guess you found some company.”

Peggy glared right back. There was no way she was going to let a stranger talk to her in that tone. “Is this a friend of yours, Steve?” she asked without taking her eyes off the man in front of her.

“I'm his fiancé,” Bucky replied before Steve could open his mouth.

Damn it.

Peggy looked shocked. She turned to Steve. “You never mentioned a fiancé.” Her voice was even, but Steve could hear some emotion behind it.

“What?” Bucky nearly squawked, looking bewildered. “What's going on, Steve?”

Steve ignored him, too busy thinking of ways to calm Peggy down. “I know,” he started. “I-I just-”

He was interrupted by Bucky grabbing his arm and pulling him to his feet. “Let's go. I think we need to have a talk, doll.” He started to drag Steve away.

Peggy stood. “Let go of him!” she ordered angrily. “You can't just grab somebody like that!”

Bucky turned back and scowled at her. “Look, lady, I don't know who you are, but how about you mind your own business? I need to be alone with my _fiancé_.” Steve had never heard him use that word like that – like Bucky was staking some kind of ownership over him.

Peggy began to step toward them, but Steve stopped her with a look. He didn't want her and Bucky to get in a fight over him. Especially not in public. He mouthed “later” at her and gave her his best pleading expression. Peggy looked very unhappy, but she nodded. He was able to mouth “sorry” before Bucky pulled him away again. Steve tried to get his thoughts in order as Bucky led them back to the street and hailed a cab. That peace he had felt earlier had been shattered. This was definitely not how he had wanted things to go. Now that he knew that Peggy returned his feelings, he would have found a way to tell her about Bucky. She could have helped him figure out a way to deal with this. But now he was on his own with his angry fiancé.

The ride back to his apartment was tense and silent. Even the cab driver didn't try and make small talk. Steve looked out the window and avoided looking at Bucky, whose eyes were on his own window. When they arrived, Bucky tossed some coins on the passenger seat before storming out. Steve quickly followed. Bucky was right on his heels as he unlocked the door and walked in. 

Bucky was on him the minute the door was shut. One large hand gripped Steve's bony shoulder and the other went to his chin. His grasp wasn't painful, but it was firm. “Steve,” he said quietly, the calm before the storm. “Stevie, who was that dame? What were you doing with her?”

Steve sighed. God, this was going to be hard. “Bucky, maybe we should sit down-”

“Tell me _now_ , Steve!” Bucky demanded. There was desperation in his voice now. Steve's lack of an answer must be frustrating him to no end.

Where to even start. “Her name's Peggy,” Steve said. “We're friends.”

“You looked a hell of a lot closer than friends back there!” Bucky snapped. “How come I've never met her, then? When did _you_ meet her?”

“I met her about a month ago,” he admitted. “I – she was giving me dancing lessons.”

“Dancing lessons?” Bucky repeated. “Since when do you care about dancing? When pretty ladies are involved?”

Steve flinched. That was probably a sore spot for his friend, since Steve hardly ever wanted to dance with him. “I wanted them so I could dance at our wedding. I didn't want to embarrass you.”

“What? _I_ could have taught you that,” Bucky pointed out. He seemed to deflate a little. “Baby, please, tell me what's going on.”

Steve's chest ached. He never wanted to hurt Bucky, he really didn't. “Bucky, I'm sorry, but...I like Peggy. I really like her.”

Bucky recoiled as if he'd been slapped. “So w-what's that supposed to mean?” he demanded. “Are you sweet on her?”

“Yeah,” Steve admitted “I am.”

Bucky was breathing hard and looking everywhere but Steve. His already red eyes were beginning to water. 

“Bucky, I didn't mean for this to happen -” the taller man let out a sob “- but it did. We need to talk about this.”

His friend was making an effort to compose himself. He took a few deep breaths and ran a hand over his combed down hair. “How can you _like_ her, Stevie? Don't you love me?”

“...I don't know,” Steve replied, voice barley above a whisper. “I'm sorry, Buck, but I don't know.”

Bucky began to sob anew. He again grabbed Steve's shoulders and leaned down until their faces were inches apart. “What do you mean you _don't know_?” he choked out. “We're engaged! Getting married next week!”

“I know,” Steve murmured. His own throat was starting to close up. “I'm sorry. It's just – we've been together forever and I'm just not sure what I feel.”

Bucky whimpered and buried his face into Steve's shoulder. Steve wrapped his arms around his friend's trembling shoulders and tried to support Bucky's weight while he cried. Not sure what to do, he rubbed Bucky's back and made soothing noises. Steve could already feel his shirt becoming wet. 

Just when Steve's legs were beginning to wobble, Bucky abruptly pulled back. “Do you kiss her like you kiss me?” he demanded, tears still leaking from his eyes.

“What? No, I've never kissed her,” Steve responded. Even if they did come close. Even if he had dreamed about it.

Bucky ran a hand over his mouth and nodded. This new information had not consoled him.

“Bucky,” Steve said. He placed a hand on his friend's trembling arm. “I know this is hard and I'm so, so sorry, but...I think we need some time apart.”

Bucky's eyes widened. “Stevie, Stevie, no,” he begged. He kneeled down in front of Steve and grasped his hips. “Come on, baby, please. Don't send me away like that. You said we were gonna talk about this.”

Steve shut his eyes. He couldn't stand to see a strong guy like Bucky begging like this. Especially not over him. “I'm sorry,” he said again. He felt like his heart was in his throat. “I think we could both use some space right now.”

Bucky gazed up at him desperately for a few long moments before standing. His lips were stretched into a humorless smile. “Alright. Sure thing, babydoll. I'll give you all the space you need. I can tell when I'm not wanted.” Bucky's voice broke on the last word. He wiped at his eyes with his sleeve before turning and practically fleeing the apartment. The front door slammed behind him.

Steve stared at the door for what seemed like a while. Had he really just done that? Told his life long friend and fiancé to beat it? Just like that? 

He slowly sank to the floor. Everything that had happened today was catching up with him. Steve was once again alone in this apartment, which was now permanently without it's other inhabitant. He felt his own eyes become wet. Ma was dead. Dead and never coming back. Six feet underground. And, God, how Steve wished she was here. He doubted that she would have approved of his actions, but Ma could help him through it. But he was on his own now.

What was Bucky doing now? Steve hoped that he had gone home. He hated the thought of Bucky out at a bar or looking for trouble downtown. No, Bucky had probably met up with his family and was telling them what a liar and cheat and heartbreaker no-good Steve Rogers was. He could imagine Becky and Mrs. Barnes trying to console Bucky and planning what they were going to do to Steve the next time they met. Whatever it was, he deserved it. He felt bad. He felt so bad about hurting Bucky. It was something he never wanted to do. The look on his friend's face had hurt worse than any punch that Steve had ever felt in his life. But still, he felt that he said what needed to be said.

And what about Peggy? Steve had left her with questions, that's for sure. What did she think of him now? Would she listen to him if he explained, or was he now a liar in her mind?

He would go and try and fix this later. Right now, he just wanted to sit on the floor for a bit longer.

X

It was dark when he got to Peggy's apartment. Steve wasn't sure if this was a good idea. What if she didn't want to speak to him? But he had to tell her the whole truth now. Steve didn't want her to hate him.

He hesitated before knocking on her door. There was no answer at first. Steve was beginning to wonder if she wasn't home when the door was pulled open. Peggy was there, and looking at him with a raised eyebrow. Yeah, she was angry at him.

“Well, come in,” she ordered. “I think you've got some explaining to do.”

Steve nodded in reply. Peggy stepped inside to let him in and gestured to the couch. This visit was going to be very different from the last. He slowly sat down at ran a hand through his hair.

Peggy sat down next to him. “I've been thinking,” she told him. “Your friend Rebecca...that's really you, isn't it?”

He almost smiled. Damn, she was smart. “Yeah, it is,” he admitted. “Peggy, I'm sorry. I should have told you about Bucky earlier-”

“Yes, you should have,” she interrupted, clearly in no mood for his apologies. “So his name's Bucky, then? What did you think you were doing, Steve? Were you trying to string me along?”

“No, no!” Steve insisted. “Peg, I really do like you! I told you about how I was feeling about him.”

“In a way.” Peggy sighed. “Steve, why didn't you just tell me when we met? We could have kept everything professional.”

“I know. I just – when I first saw you, something just felt _right_.” Steve had to get her to understand. “I knew from the start I was sweet on you. It was wrong of me to not say anything, but I didn't think anything was gonna happen. I didn't think I had a chance.” He wasn't sure if he had a chance _now_.

Peggy took hold of his left hand and lifted it slightly. His engagement ring glinted in the light. “How have I not noticed this before?” she wondered. “I guess I was too busy looking at your face.”

“I forget I'm even wearing it when I'm around you.”

“Are you trying to smooth talk me?”

“I'm being honest.”

They both chuckled. It felt like a relief from the tension in the room. Steve's stomach suddenly growled loudly. He felt his cheeks and ears heat up. “Um, excuse me.”

Peggy placed a hand on his shoulder. “Have you eaten today?” she asked softly.

“Not since this morning,” he answered. Bucky had come over and forced him to eat a bowl of cornflakes. He hadn't felt like eating anything. He had just wanted to get the day over with and maybe crawl into bed with a bottle of whiskey.

Peggy pursed her lips. “You know, I really wanted to yell at you,” she confessed “but then I remembered what you've gone through today.”

“You should yell,” Steve said, his mood soured again. He had been trying not to think about the funeral. “I deserve it.”

“No, Steve.” She grasped his hand again. “Please, you need to take care of yourself.” 

He allowed himself to hold her hand back. He didn't want to push his limits. “I'll try harder,” he promised. Why was it he got annoyed when Bucky told him this, but he was instantly eager to do it for Peggy? Oh, he knew why.

“Good,” Peggy said with a small smile. It was soon replaced with a frown. “Steve, what are you going to do now? About your fiancé? He didn't seem very happy with you earlier.”

Steve flinched when he recalled his fight with Bucky. “No, he wasn't,” Steve told her. “I don't know what exactly he's feeling right now.” He chewed at his lower lip. “I told him that we needed time apart. He didn't take it well.”

“Did he hurt you?” Peggy asked quickly.

“No,” Steve answered. “He just left, like I asked him to.” And left to do who-knew-what. Steve should have called him a taxi. At least he'd know Bucky went home.

“Steve, from what you've told me about ' _Rebecca_ ', this man loves you very much,” Peggy said. Her brown eyes bore into Steve's. “You've likely hurt him very badly.”

His throat was tightening again. “I know,” he whispered. “I don't know what to do.”

“I think -” Peggy started. She paused to collect herself. “I think you need to sort things out with Bucky. I can tell you care for him. It would only hurt both of you if you just cut him out of your life.”

“I've known him forever,” Steve said. “He's my best friend.” No matter how hesitant he had been about dating and marriage, Bucky had always been the closest person to Steve. The blond didn't think he could stand losing Bucky's friendship. Although, he had probably already lost that and more.

Peggy let out a breath Steve hadn't noticed she'd been holding. “Steve, I think he's a good deal more than your friend. Both in your heart and your head.” She held up her hand when he started to protest. “You wouldn't have stayed this long if he wasn't. Even if you're interested in me, you have a great deal more with him.”

Steve's mouth felt dry. “He's mad at me. I don't know if he still wants me.”

“You'll have to find out for yourself.” Peggy leaned over to kiss his forehead. “I'm going to New Jersey alone. If this Bucky will still have you, then work it out with him. But if not,” she pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to him, “you can find me here.”

 

X

 

Steve took his time walking back home. He had a lot to think about. 

Peggy didn't hate him, so he had that going for him. But she also didn't want him to leave New York with her anymore. Steve knew that he didn't deserve to be with either her or Bucky, but the thought of being alone was horrible. 

What was he going to do now? If nothing else, he should apologize to Bucky. For letting his heart stray away from his friend and putting him through pain. Maybe try and repair their relationship. Even if Bucky didn't want to be with him now, Steve didn't want to lose his friend. He knew he couldn't have it all. What he wanted was to keep Bucky's friendship, like they had when they were younger, and then go find Peggy in New Jersey. But what were the odds of that happening? It would either be one or the other.

The first thing he noticed when he arrived at his apartment was that the brick he kept the key under had been moved, his heart sped up. Did that mean-?

The door was indeed unlocked. Steve slowly walked inside. “Hello?” he called out.

“In here,” came a familiar voice from the kitchen.

Steve swallowed and followed the voice to it's source. Bucky was seated at the small table. His jacket had been removed and his head was buried in his hands. He looked up when he saw Steve. He looked more miserable than Steve had ever seen before. “Hey,” his friend quietly greeted.

“Hey,” Steve said back. He hadn't expected Bucky to be here at all. “Are you alright?” Dumb question.

Bucky let out a humorless laugh. “No, I'm not.” He gestured to the chair closest to Steve. “Sit down?”

Steve obeyed and sat in the creaky chair. Bucky refused to meet his eyes. Steve could hear small whimpers coming from him. The blond averted his gaze from his friend, unable to stand the sight. He noticed a wrapped dish on top on the stove.

Bucky finally lifted his head. “Ma wanted to make you dinner, but I told her you weren't up for company. She wrapped something up for you.” He wiped at his red eyes. “I've been hiding out in my room all day. I told them I was just upset about Sarah.”

“How long have you been here, Buck?” Steve asked. 

“Not too long. About half an hour. I know you said you wanted space, but I just _couldn't_ ,” Bucky answered. His eyes narrowed. “Where were you? With that dame?”

“Yeah,” Steve answered. “Not for long, though.”

Bucky nodded. He looked at Steve long and hard before rising from his chair and squatting down in front of the blond. “I'm not letting you go, Steve,” he stated, determination in his voice.

“Bucky-”

“No!” Bucky grasped Steve's hands. “I don't know what you think that lady has that I don't, and I don't care. I love you. I love you so, so much. I don't even care if you don't feel the same. I'd die without you, baby.”

“Bucky, please, just listen,” Steve pleaded. “We need to, I don't know, work on things -”

“No, we don't!” his friend insisted. “Everything was _just fine_ before she came along! If you think there's something wrong, then we have the rest of our lives to figure it out. I _am_ going to marry you next week, sweetheart. You promised me we would! You're not someone to go back on your word like that, huh Stevie?”

Steve swallowed. “No, I'm not.”

Bucky gave him a watery smile and leaned up to kiss him. “I know you're not, baby.”


	13. Chapter 13

The next few days were tense, to say the least. 

Steve didn't have much else to do but count down the days until the wedding. Bucky was spending all of his free time practically guarding the blond. His fiancé had been hanging around the apartment morning, evening, and night, only leaving to go to work. Those hours had become Steve's favorite and most hated time of day. It was the only time he was alone, but he _felt_ alone.

But even when Bucky was there, he still felt lonely. Bucky was still upset with him, which really wasn't a surprise. His friend was never too far away, probably making sure Steve wasn't going to run away in the night or something, but he definitely wasn't being friendly. The dark haired man would hardly say a word to him all day. Steve's shoulders would slump and he would lower his gaze when he noticed Bucky tying to hide his face from him. Bucky would wake up before him in the mornings and make breakfast. He would eat before Steve and leave him a plate before leaving for the shop. He would later return with food he'd gotten from a diner and silently watch Steve eat, barely touching his own food. 

They would do different things throughout the evenings. Steve stuck to his sketchbook and few books while Bucky would listen to the radio or sit by an open window to smoke. (When had he picked up that habit?) When Steve decided to go to bed, Bucky would follow him to his room and watch him climb into bed. Steve knew that Bucky waited until he was asleep before heading for the couch. 

The treatment stung, but Steve knew that he deserved it. He could still hardly believe that Bucky still wanted to be with him. Steve knew that he had hurt his friend deeply. Maybe he never fully realized how much Bucky loved him. Enough to go through with their wedding even though he was obviously heartbroken.

It didn't help that Ma was no longer here with them. The lack of her presence only made his home seem even more quiet and lonesome. Steve could have talked to her. At least until he was kicked out by someone concerned for his health.

When Steve was alone, he would take out the paper with Peggy's new address. He couldn't help but wonder if he should go after her, despite promising to stay with his fiancé. But then he would have to lie to her, wouldn't he? That was the last thing he wanted to do. But Bucky was unhappy because of him, and Steve was unhappy that Bucky was unhappy. Would anything between them work now? It might have before, but now that Bucky knew how Steve really felt...

Steve wondered what she was doing right now. Working at her new job? Drinking tea? Meeting guys who were more worthy of her than him? He didn't know why he didn't try and put her out of his mind. He doubted that they would ever meet again.

It was the day before their wedding when Bucky started to speak to him again. The sun had just come up and Steve was still laying in bed. He was just barely awake when he heard his door creak open. 

“Steve? You awake?” Bucky whispered.

Steve made a sound that passed for “yes” and raised his head to see his friend better. Bucky's clothes and hair were rumpled, probably had just woken up himself. Steve scooted over so Bucky had room to crawl in beside him. The taller man snuggled up close to his back and held him tightly. He had missed the feeling of Bucky's arms around him. 

“Mornin',” he greeted quietly.

“Mornin', baby.” Bucky kissed the top of his head. “I've missed you.”

Steve wanted to point out that they've been together all week, but he knew what Bucky meant. He reached up to grasp Bucky's hand.

“Tomorrow's the big day, huh?” Bucky gently nudged his leg between Steve's.

“Yeah, sure is,” Steve breathed. 

Bucky sighed softly and rested his chin against Steve's head. “I don't want us to fight, Stevie,” he murmured. “I hate it. I-I need to be _with_ you, y'know?”

“Yeah, I know, Buck.” His friend must have disliked all the recent tension, too. “I want it to stop, too.”

“I love you, Steve,” Bucky said. “I want us to move past this. I don't want our marriage starting off with us being anything but happy. Could you just promise me one thing?”

“Sure, Buck,” Steve replied. “Anything.”

“Could you just... _forget_ about her?” Bucky asked.

Steve hadn't been expecting that. How had Bucky known that he'd been thinking about Peggy? Was he that obvious. “What?”

“Baby, please, promise me you won't think about that woman anymore,” Bucky implored. “You can't marry me if you're thinkin' about someone else. I just want to put this behind us.”

“I -”

“ _Please_.”

Well, it wasn't like he had already been telling himself this. And he was willing to do anything to make Bucky happy at this point. “I won't think about her anymore,” he swore, even though the words hurt to say. “I promise.”

Bucky exhaled and kissed him again. “Thank you.”

They fell back asleep still tangled together. The room was flooded with light when they woke again. 

Steve insisted that Bucky go and shave off the stubble he'd been growing while Steve made some decent looking fried eggs. Bucky smiled warmly at him from across the table and complimented his cooking skills, to which Steve rolled his eyes.

“What do you say we get out of here for awhile?” Bucky suggested after they finished. “Maybe go see a movie or somethin'. We can go see Ma and Becky afterwards. I'm sure they could use a break from planning our wedding.”

Steve chuckled. “Sounds like a plan.” It felt good to laugh after the week they'd had. He hoped that they would be able to truly put what happened behind them. He wanted to be happy with Bucky again.

X

Steve woke up early the day of his wedding. He hadn't slept very well. Too nervous.

This was it, wasn't it? In a matter of hours he was going to be tied to his best friend forever. No chance of ever leaving again. Damn, not even at the altar yet and he was already having cold feet. But why? He knew this moment was coming for well over three years now. 

Bucky had gone back to his family home to get ready. “Bad luck to for us to see each other right before the wedding, right Stevie?” he had joked. 

Becky was set to come over a bit before noon to escort him to the church. He and Bucky had agreed to go straight to their new home after their reception party was over. Steve figured he should say goodbye to the small apartment that he and his mother had lived in for many years, since he knew he would never step foot in it again. They had arranged for movers to take Steve's few belongings to their house after he had left. No reason to come back.

He hadn't been inside his mother's room since before she was taken to the hospital. It was the same as it had always been – sparse furniture, pretty wallpaper, make up and perfume scattered around. Steve avoided looking at the bed. He wasn't used to seeing it empty anymore. He forced himself to smile. No use shedding tears on today of all days.

The blond opened his mother's closet. The sight of her dresses made him smile for real. It felt like it had been forever since he had seen her properly dressed. He reached out to touch a pale blue blouse. A white bag toward the back caught his eye. Curious, he took it down. His name was labeled on the front. What was – oh, right. Ma did mention that she had made him a suit. He had forgotten all about that.

Steve left the room and gently shut the door behind him, as if she was still sleeping in there. He took the bag into his own room and unzipped it. Inside was a expensive looking black suit. It seemed new and tailored to his size, which he supposed it was. Steve had never worn anything this nice looking. Ma must have put a lot into it. And she would never get to see him wear it.

There was hardly ever any hot water in this place, but Steve washed up the best he could, making sure his hair and face and hands and feet were squeaky clean. He changed into the suit and combed down his hair. His wiped his shoes with a wet cloth before pulling them on. 

Steve knew that he should eat something, but his stomach was in knots. He was still nervous, but he wanted to get this over with already. He was sure that Bucky felt the same way. Steve would finally be married to him and Steve wouldn't leave him. Couldn't leave him. 

Steve roamed around the small apartment for a while. He was feeling restless and in need of movement. He found some boxes that he used to pack up his things. Make it easier on the movers.

It was a relief when Becky finally showed up. She was all dolled up, with her hair in elaborate curls an a stylishly cut dress. She smiled brightly at him. “Oh, Steve, you look so handsome!” she gushed before embracing him.

He laughed and hugged her back. “Same to you, doll. It's a shame it's your brother I'm marrying.”

She giggled and swatted his arm. “Oh, stop it!” she said playfully. “You have no idea how excited the idiot is.”

“I'm sure I don't.”

Everything seemed to happen strangely fast after that. He locked his front door and handed the key back to the landlord after informing him about the movers coming. He and Becky hailed a cab to the small church where the wedding was being held. Steve wasn't supposed to come out until the last moment, like a bride would. He realized that he had no idea who was even attending besides Bucky's family.

Becky stayed with him in a side room. “I didn't want you to walk down the aisle alone,” she told him. “Do you mind if I walk with you?”

He smiled at her gratefully. “Sure, Beck. I'd love for you to give me away.”

She kissed his cheek. “My mother wanted to herself, but she's busy chastising Bucky over something or other.”

They started at noon sharp. Steve heard the priest say a few words after the small commotion died down in the main room. His heart skipped a beat when the organ started to play. This was it. He was getting married.

Becky locked arms with him and they slowly walked out of the room and down the church aisle. He immediately locked eyes with Bucky. His friend had taken great care with his appearance today. He was wearing a well cut black suit and his hair was combed back. His blue eyes seemed especially bright. Bucky smiled joyously when he saw Steve, who couldn't help but smile back.

In no time at all, he was holding hands with Bucky while the priest said the traditional words. They said their vows and exchanged rings. Bucky had somehow gotten his hands on a ring with a small diamond on it that slid so easily onto Steve's finger. To Steve's surprise, he felt a great sense of relief when they kissed and the priest announced them as husbands. It felt so real, so _final_. He was Steve Rogers-Barnes now. No going back.

They had their reception in a small building behind the church. He and Bucky held hands and thanked their guests for coming, who mainly consisted of a few mutual friends and their significant others, and some of Bucky's regular customers. Mrs. Barnes was teary-eyed and kissed them both. “I'm so happy for you two,” she told them. “You will have such a great life together.”

Steve's stomach twisted when Bucky led him to the center of the floor for their first dance. One of their friend's wife was playing something slow on the piano. Steve willed himself not to think about Peggy. Preparing for this moment was the reason he even met her.

Bucky hadn't thought of that. He seemed surprised when Steve was able to match his steps. “When did – oh.” His smile faltered slightly.

Steve gripped his arm tighter. “Shh. Just dance.”

Bucky pulled him a bit closer and gave him a hard kiss, much to the amusement of their friends and family. Steve kissed him back and stroked his arm with his thumb. He didn't want Bucky angry at him again. This moment was supposed to be special, after all.

 

X

 

It was getting dark by the time they got to their house. 

They had spent the day celebrating with their wedding guests. Steve's feet were sore from being dragged to the dance floor so many times. Mrs. Barnes and Becky insisted on taking them out to dinner at some expensive joint afterwards. It was nice. Steve had been relieved to sit down and relax with his family. Bucky held his hand under the table and only took his eyes of Steve to look at his plate. 

“You two look so adorable together,” Becky had teased.

They took a taxi back to their new home. Bucky gripped his hand as they walked to the front door. Steve was about to walk inside when Bucky swept him up and carried him across the threshold. 

“Bucky!” he squawked.

His new husband laughed and put him down. “Sorry, sweetheart. I couldn't resist.” He leaned down to give Steve a long, deep kiss. Steve was almost out of breath when Bucky pulled back. “I don't know about you, but I could really get out of this tie.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Steve's could feel his heart beat faster as he followed Bucky upstairs. It was their wedding night. He knew what was expected of him. He had no reason to deny Bucky anymore. He wasn't sure if he was nervous or excited or both. It wasn't like they had never done anything intimate before.

They went into their new bedroom and shredded their jackets and ties and shoes. It suddenly felt much too hot in there, like it was still the middle of summer. “I-I need the bathroom,” Steve stated before rushing across the hall. 

He shut the door behind him firmly and sat on the toilet. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself. Alright, he could do this. It was just Bucky. The guy's been wanting to sleep with him for years. He didn't have anything to worry about. Besides, this is what married couples did. Steve made up his mind. He was going to go and be with his husband, and he was going to enjoy it. 

He took a final breath before marching back to the bedroom. Bucky was sitting on the bed and staring down at his hands. He looked up at Steve when he walked in. “Look, Steve, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I just -”

He was cut off by Steve climbing onto his lap and kissing him. Bucky made a surprised noise before kissing back earnestly. He reached up to cup Steve's face.

When Steve started to undo the button's on his partner's shirt, Bucky did the same to his. They pushed the fabric off their shoulders before pulling apart. Bucky made quick work of tugging off his undershirt before pulling of Steve's. He eyed the smaller man's naked torso hungrily. “Oh, Steve,” he groaned. “Oh, baby.”

Steve ran a hand down Bucky's muscled chest and stomach. It had been awhile since he had seen Bucky completely shirtless. He let out a small squeak when Bucky turned to the side and pushed Steve so he was laying on his back. As soon as his head hit the pillows, Bucky was on top of him and kissing him again. Steve groaned into it and ran his hands over Bucky's arms and back and front. Bucky was more than happy to do the same. 

Steve gasped when Bucky's mouth went to his neck. He whined Bucky's name as the taller man sucked and nibbled at his neck and shoulders. One large hand tweaked a nipple. He was borderline panting as Bucky kissed down his chest and stomach. He could feel his pants getting tighter.

Bucky reached for the button on his pants and paused. He looked back up at Steve. “Is this alright?”

Steve almost laughed at him. Poor guy must be more nervous than he was. “Yeah, go on.”

Bucky grinned and quickly pulled down Steve's pants and shorts. Steve couldn't help but blush when Bucky raked his eyes over him. He had never seen Steve fully naked before. “Oh baby,” his friend breathed. “You're so beautiful.”

Steve decided he wanted Bucky naked, too. He sat up and yanked Bucky's pants halfway down, revealing his already fully hard cock. “That for me?” he teased. 

Bucky shoved him back down. “Sure is, punk. See how hard you made me?”

Bucky pulled his pants the rest of the way off and crawled back on top of Steve for more kissing. A shudder ran through them both when their naked bodies pressed together for the first time. Steve let Bucky work his mouth while he ran his hand from Bucky's neck down to his crotch. He gently grasped Bucky's cock and ran his hand up and down slowly - 

He pulled back, surprised when his hand was suddenly full of warmth. Steve looked down to see that the appendage was covered with white stickiness.

Bucky looked mortified. “I-I'm sorry,” he stammered. His cheeks turned red. “I just got excited -”

Steve shushed him. “Hey, it's alright.” He wiped his hand on the bedspread. They could clean it later.

Bucky moved down to Steve's lower half. He rubbed and kissed at Steve's thin legs. “So pretty, Stevie,” he mumbled before nipping at Steve's thigh. 

Steve could feel Bucky's warm breath brush across his own half-hard cock. He was getting tired of waiting. He wanted Bucky _now_. 

“Bucky,” he moaned. His friend's head shot up. “Come on. Fuck me already.”

His friend looked like he had been waiting his entire life to hear those words. Steve couldn't help but laugh when Bucky scrambled up the bed and reached into the nightstand drawer, pulling out a jar of Vaseline. Steve wondered how long that had been there.

He spread his legs apart as Bucky took off the lid. Even though he'd never done this before, he had a good idea of what to do. They had both had private talks with some older gentlemen in the neighborhood.

Bucky coated a few of his fingers well and lifted one of Steve's legs up. Steve took a deep breath when Bucky stuck a finger inside of him. “You alright?” Bucky asked. Steve nodded in answer. It burned a bit, but he wanted more.

“Oh, Stevie,” Bucky breathed. “I've wanted you for so long. You have no idea.” He pushed in another finger and started to stretch him.

Steve forced himself to relax. Bucky's cock was big, and he wanted to be ready for it.

“You look so beautiful like this, babydoll.” Bucky leaned down and took Steve's cock into his mouth and sucked and licked on it, still working his fingers. The blond let out a moan and squirmed, opening himself up more. He could feel himself harden fully. 

“Bucky, please,” he whined. “I want you.”

Bucky pulled off of him and grinned. “Thought you'd never ask, doll.” He pulled his fingers out, leaving Steve feeling empty, and began to slick himself up. Steve was a bit surprised that he was already hard again.

Steve could hear his heartbeat in his ears when Bucky crouched over him and lined his cock up with Steve's hole. The smaller man gasped when Bucky stuck himself a few inches in.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Keep going!”

Bucky slowly pushed himself all the way in. Steve felt stretched and so, so full. It was wonderful. Bucky looked like he was about to cry. “Steve,” he panted. “Precious. Sweetheart.”

Steve lifted his legs and wrapped them around his husband. “Go on,” he demanded. 

“Are you -”

“ _Bucky_.”

The taller man obliged and started to slowly rock his hips back and forth. The burn that Steve had felt faded away and was replaced with pleasure. He moaned and canted his hips up, rubbing his cock against Bucky's stomach. “Faster. Go faster, Buck.”

Bucky gripped his hips and started to pound in and out of him. Oh God, was this what they had been missing out on? Steve gripped the blanket and panted and moaned as wave after wave of pleasure rocked through him. He almost closed his eyes, but the sight of Bucky's face all flushed and twisted in ecstasy was too good to pass up.

He finished before Bucky this time, his cum getting all over his friend's stomach. Bucky gripped his hips tighter and went in even harder, desperate to finish himself. It wasn't long before Steve felt warmth coat his insides and Bucky shouted. He was glad that they didn't have any close by neighbors, because they definitely would have heard that.

Bucky pulled out and collapsed next to him, panting heavily. “Steve,” he kept saying. “Steve.”

The blond smiled and moved to lay on his husband's chest. Bucky immediately wrapped his arms around him. “That was great, Buck.”

“Damn right it was,” his friend replied. “Love you, punk.”

Steve had planned on getting them under the covers at some point to keep cuddling, but they were both tired of the day's events and fell asleep like they were. It was warm enough without the blanket, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm not the world's best porn writer, but there you go.
> 
> The last chapter will be an epilogue of sorts. Not everything is sunshine and rainbows between them yet.


	14. Chapter 14

It had been six months since their wedding day. 

This winter was as cold as summer had been hot. Steve had dressed in thick layers in order to stay warm. The house wasn't freezing by any means, but he and the cold had never mixed well.

He sighed and turned up the radio. There wasn't much else to do while he waited for his husband to come home. Despite the snow piling up outside, Bucky had insisted on opening the shop. They did have bills to pay, after all. Steve would normally be there with him. Bucky was always more than happy to have Steve working with him. The blond was great at keeping things organized and helping customers and making signs. And he suspected that Bucky liked having him within eyesight. But Bucky had recently been insisting that Steve stay home. 

“I just don't want you to get sick, baby,” the taller man said every morning before he left. He would bundle up and give Steve a goodbye kiss before heading out the door. 

Steve didn't like it, but he understood. He could recall several winters where he was stuck in bed with some illness. Bucky would stay next to his bedside whenever this happened, nursing him and keeping him entertained. But now his husband was supporting them both and they needed all the money they could get. It would be easier if Steve stayed healthy. 

It was boring sometimes, but it gave Steve the opportunity to enjoy some alone time. He kept the house clean and dusted to keep his asthma at bay. In the evenings he would break out Ma's recipes cards and make a favorite he and his husband shared. He bought and read new books and accepted drawing commissions from neighbors. Steve used to be afraid of becoming a housewife, but this wasn't so bad. And it wasn't like he was stuck in the house all day, every day.

Steve did have his off moments, though. Every so often he would find himself standing in the room that Ma was supposed to be in. It still hurt him that she never got to see the place they had made for her in their home. She would have loved this room and being able to live with her family. If only she hadn't – no, no. Steve told himself that there was no use thinking that. She was dead and gone. But moving on was proving to be hard. When he was feeling morose, he would sometimes take out the slip of paper with Peggy's address from its hiding place in his pencil box and look at it for awhile. Steve always wondered what she was doing. He never asked what her new job was, but he was sure she was great at it. The blond sometimes wondered if he should have gone after her, despite everything. Maybe leaving Brooklyn would have been good for him, even if it meant going to New Jersey of all places. Brooklyn was his home and always would be, but perhaps it would do him good to get away from all the memories. But like Ma, there was no use in dwelling on that.

No matter what mood Bucky was in when he came home, he always wanted a kiss as soon as he walked in the door. Steve would always be waiting to reach up and wrap his arms around Bucky's neck and give him a hello kiss.

Some days Bucky was tired after a long day of work. He would come home and eat whatever Steve have made for him. (“You're cooking gets better every day, babydoll,” Bucky assured him one night over a bowl of Irish Stew.) On those nights, they would cuddle together on the couch and Bucky would fill him in on what he had missed at the shop. They would spend their time listening to their favorite radio programs or going over the paper together. Either way, Steve ended up on Bucky's lap as they cuddled. When they went to bed, Bucky would keep him awake with kisses and strokes for at least an hour.

On other days, Bucky had all the energy that a young man should. He would come home practically starving for Steve. When the small man came to kiss him, Bucky would scoop him up and practically run to their bedroom for an evening full of lovemaking. Sometimes Bucky couldn't even wait until then and had Steve right in the hallway. Bucky loved fucking Steve. Steve loved it, too. Sex was fun, and he greatly enjoyed being able to make Bucky feel good. Although it was sometimes all he could do to convince his husband to let them out of bed for dinner. Bucky would pretend to protest before grinning and letting Steve up. If the weather was nice they would go out and do something fun.

They had their real first fight as a married couple after two months. Well, not so much a fight as Steve messing up again. It had been a day when they were relaxing on the couch together, with Steve working on a sketch of Mr. Travers from down the street's bulldog and Bucky idly playing with the smaller man's hair. Steve had gotten up to use the bathroom for all of three minutes, and when he came back, Bucky was looking at a certain piece of paper. Steve's heart dropped to his stomach. Even if his box was out, the small piece of paper shouldn't have been visible.

Bucky seemed confused. “Steve, what's this?”

Steve swallowed. “It's nothing, Buck.” He walked over and made a grab for it.

Bucky pulled away. “Doesn't seem like nothin',” his husband snorted. “What are you lying to me about now?”

The words stung, but Steve deserved them. Might as well come clean now. “It's Peggy's address,” he blurted out.”

Bucky blinked at him. “What?”

“It's her new address,” Steve explained, forcing out every word. “She gave it to me in case...”

“In case you decided to dump me, after all?” Bucky finished. His face was starting to twist up. Oh lord, please don't let him start crying, Steve thought. “Still thinking about it, Stevie?”

“Aw, Buck, no!” Steve protested. “I'm not going anywhere!”

“Then why do you still have this?” his friend demanded. The man's eyes were starting to water. 

“You're right,” Steve realized. He snatched the paper away and quickly shredded it to pieces. “I'm sorry, Buck. I told you I'd stop thinking about her and I didn't. But I promise I'll try harder now.”

Bucky didn't look pleased. “Why do you like her so much? What does she have that I don't?”

“I don't know,” Steve answered. He pulled his husband into an embrace, which was thankfully returned. “But I'll stop.”

Bucky let the issue go by the next day, but the argument was a wake up call of sorts to Steve. He couldn't keep doing this. He chose Bucky, he married Bucky. He couldn't treat him like he was second best. He knew that he loved Bucky, but he didn't know if he was in love with his friend. Steve hated it, but that's how things were. But he would try harder. For Bucky's sake.

X

Six years later found Steve Rogers-Barnes a much changed man.

He and Bucky had a bit of a rough start in their marriage, sure. Too many unspoken words and unresolved conflicts. It took Steve a little over a year, but he realized he did love his husband. He did. How could he not? Bucky was all that he had, and the man loved him in return. Steve did his best to explain why he was hesitant before, and Bucky understood. 

Steve learned to be more affectionate and talk about his feelings. In turn, Bucky stopped treating him like spun glass and watching him like a hawk. Steve had promised his friend he wouldn't think about Peggy anymore or leave, and he hadn't. He didn't want to leave Bucky. Really, the taller man was everything he could ever want.

They had lived happily together for four years. They stayed in their nice house and made love on their comfortable bed and worked together in the shop they owned. It was ideal for both of them. Bucky loved to take him out to a movie or dinner or the park on the weekends. He never had eyes for anyone but Steve. The blond would grip Bucky's large hand tight to make him smile. They began to talk about starting a family. It was good. It was peaceful.

And then war broke out.

It all fell apart after that. All the able-bodied young men were expected to enlist, Bucky included. His husband had not wanted to leave him, but what choice was there? It wasn't like Bucky was the only man leaving behind a spouse. Steve had been determined to follow him, much to Bucky's despair. Steve knew he was a little guy, but there was no way he was staying behind while men were laying down their lives overseas. 

So, despite many arguments, he went with Bucky when it was time to enlist. Bucky was accepted. Steve wasn't. It wasn't a huge surprise, given Steve's medical history, but he was still disappointed. Bucky didn't even try and hide how relieved he was at Steve's rejection, though. It lead to yet another fight when they got home.

“What am I supposed to do here, Buck?” Steve had demanded. “I belong over in Europe with you.”

Bucky had sat on the couch and was rubbing his face. “Stevie, please. It's dangerous over there. You need to stay here where it's safe and keep the shop open.”

“I can't just go about my life like nothing's going on,” Steve insisted. “Not while you're gone. Not while -”

“ _Steve_.”

The blond had stilled and looked to his now teary-eyed husband. “Baby, please, don't do this,” Bucky had pleaded. “ What if they take you? You can't do anything over there. You know I don't want to leave you. Oh, god, the thought of it is killing me! But I have to, and I think knowing that you're safe is the only think that will keep me going over there.”

Things were tense until Bucky left for basic training. Steve felt his absence greatly. Was this what it would be like when Bucky went overseas? Nothing but an empty house and worry?

When Bucky returned, Steve took him straight upstairs and fucked him. They had both become starved for the other in the weeks Bucky had been away. The taller man had more energy and firmer muscles and held Steve tightly.

They clung to each other in the days leading up to Bucky shipping out. Steve tried again and again to enlist. He couldn't help it. He couldn't leave Bucky alone over there. But no one ever took him.

Bucky put on a brave front until the day before he left. He wandered around their house, as if memorizing where everything was. Steve knew what his friend was thinking, even if he didn't say it out loud. Bucky didn't think he was going to come back. It made Steve's heart ache. Bucky had worked so hard to build a life for them. He didn't deserve to have it taken away.

Steve did his best to distract his friend. He held Bucky and let him cry and made love to him more times than he could count. They spent the night clinging to each other and whispering assurances. “You'll come back alright, Buck,” Steve had whispered. “If I have to go and get you myself.”

Becky and Mrs. Barnes were with him at the train station. They were crying softly, but Steve put on a brave face. Bucky neither wanted to nor needed to see him cry. It would only upset his husband further.

Everything changed after Bucky finally left and Steve tried to enlist again. Dr. Erskine, training camp, Project Rebirth, the USO shows. And _Peggy_. There was a face he thought he'd never see again. She was as equally shocked to see him at Camp Leigh. Turned out her job in New Jersey was with the S.S.R. 

He never felt worse in his life when his heart sped up at the sight of her. No, he told himself. He wasn't going to do this again. Not when his husband was in a trench somewhere. He and Peggy didn't mention what almost happened between them. They kept things friendly, but professional. Steve was glad that she was there. He definitely hadn't gotten any support from his superiors or fellow trainees.

Steve would never forget the day he infiltrated the HYDRA base to rescue his husband. He had expected to be held with the rest of his unit, not strapped to a table and looking like death. Steve wanted nothing more than to get him to safety and take care of him. He wondered if that's how Bucky always felt about him.

When they escaped that awful place and things had calmed down, Bucky stared at Steve like he was someone entirely new. Which he was, at least in the physical department. Bucky had unofficially moved into Steve's tent after they marched back to the rest of the 107th. Bucky looked different than Steve had ever seen him. Definitely thinner and paler and exhausted. Understandable. But there was something dark in his eyes and his smile was no longer easy going. Compared to how he looked back in Brooklyn, his husband almost seemed like a different person.

Bucky had wasted no time in getting Steve to lie back so Bucky could curl up next to him and kiss him. It felt like forever since they had touched. They've been apart longer than they had in their whole lives. Steve stayed silent as Bucky peeled off his ridiculous Captain America outfit. Not for pleasure, but to see how much Steve had changed. The blond couldn't help but feel guilty when he saw the loss in Bucky's face.

“Are you alright with this?” He had asked. He shuddered a bit when Bucky's hand ran down his thigh. “I told you why I had to do this...”

Bucky's smile didn't reach his eyes. “I know, Stevie.” He leaned down to kiss Steve's chest. “Geez, I've seen girls with smaller tits.” He laid back and pulled Steve's head onto his chest. “It's just a lot to get used to, baby.”

Of course, Steve was more than happy to let Bucky try out his new body whenever he wanted.

The thing that Bucky didn't try his feelings about was Peggy. His husband had been furious when he found out the woman who, in his own words, had tried to steal Steve away from him was at their camp. Steve had to use his new strength to keep Bucky from finding her and giving her a piece of his mind. Steve honestly didn't know why Bucky was so angry. 

“Buck, come on,” Steve had pleaded, arms wrapped around his irate friend's shoulders. “We're just friends. You don't need to feel threatened.”

“You weren't just friends the last time she was around,” Bucky had snarled. Something else that was new about his husband. He seemed much more aggressive when angry.

“Bucky, I'm married to _you_. Calm down!”

“Just stay away from her!”

They slept on opposite ends of the tent that night.

Even in battle, Bucky was protecting him. Almost like a guardian angel, Bucky would always be nearby and snipe the enemy soldiers that Steve didn't catch. Somehow, it didn't feel any different than when Bucky defended him in the alleyways back home. In between the tanks and grenades and shield throwing, Steve felt safe knowing that his husband was nearby.

And now Bucky was dead.

Steve sobbed as he remembered his friend's face as he fell from the train. Steve had been so close to grabbing his hand. _So close_. But he had failed Bucky yet again and let him fall to his death. Hadn't he promised to bring Bucky home, safe and sound? Wasn't that why he came here? 

Steve took another shot of whiskey. He was currently hiding out in an abandoned bar. There were the sounds of battle going on in the distance. He was almost hoping that a bomb would come crashing down on him. Then Steve would be with Bucky again. Til death do them part, right? Death would also bring them back together. 

He ignored the sounds of clicking heels at first. The man couldn't hold back a whimper when Peggy's hand touched his shoulder. “Steve, I'm so sorry,” she whispered.

“I let him down, Peggy,” Steve choked out. “He needed me and I couldn't help him.”

“You did all that you could,” Peggy soothed. “Your husband died a hero.”

“I should have jumped after him,” Steve murmured. “I could have tried.”

“Steve, no,” she insisted. She walked over to look him in the eyes. “Sergeant Barnes loved you, and he would want you alive, with or with out him.”

When Peggy leaned down to hug him, Steve didn't try to resist. He could barley hear himself vowing to avenge Bucky and take down HYDRA. He let her presence comfort him, just like it always had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't originally to have the Captain America stuff at the end but then I was like "Hey, you know what this story could use? _More pain._ "
> 
> Possible sequel: Post CA:TWS, Steve is searching for Bucky. Bucky is remembering bits and pieces of his past. When he encounters Steve again, all of the pain Steve put him through comes back full force and the Winter Soldier lashes out. Steve doesn't fight back because he feels that he deserves to be punched repeatedly with Bucky's metal fist.


End file.
